Blessing's Disguise
by writer-always-n-forever
Summary: When Joan defies God, how can it possibly fit into His plan? Joan gets a lesson in "consequences".
1. Confronting The Consequences

Disclaimer - I don't own anything related to Joan of Arcadia, I just feebly attempt to write fanfics! =)  
  
A/N - This is my first shot at a JoA fic, so I don't know how good it will turn out...or if it will turn out at all! I tend to write slightly OOC, especially since my stories tend to veer off into places the shows would never really go. Which is unfortunate, because I write the stories based on what I wish would happen on the show. So bear with me, none of this seems plausible! But hopefully it's an enjoyable read. I'm a J/A shipper, so there will be some fluffy moments...This first chapter is quite short, but if you like it and want me to continue, let me know via 'Review' and I'll keep it going for you! Thanks for reading! =)  
  
Joan stepped hastily into the fourth floor elevator of the Arcadia Herald office, and punched the first floor button. Six months had passed since her parent's horrific romantic weekend, and they'd decided it had been long enough to risk taking another, even extending it to a weeklong excursion. So they were off at the Rolling Greens Golf Resort, and once again, Kevin was in charge. And this time, he'd insisted that Joan "check in" with him everyday after her summer job at the bookstore, in person. After she'd entered his office, made a halfhearted salute, and answered Kevin's customary questions, she'd been finally cleared to go.  
  
He's certainly back to his cocky-jock self, she thought as the elevator stopped briefly on the third floor to pick up passengers. A tall, thirty-something man with a ponytail and a camera bag slung over his shoulder stepped in, but Joan barely noticed, as she was still dwelling over Kevin's snobby attitude.  
  
The fact that he got promoted by his girlfriend doesn't help much, nor the fact that she's constantly stroking his over-inflated ego, she thought. I think I liked him better when he hated himself.  
  
Joan was startled from her callous thoughts when she heard her cell phone ring. She reached into her bag, retrieved the phone, and saw the number on the screen -- Adam's. She promptly dropped the phone back into her bag, and ignored the ringing.  
  
"You can't avoid him forever, Joan," the photographer said, without looking at her.  
  
Joan closed her eyes in mortification. It was Him. Much to her chagrin, the elevator suddenly lurched to a stop, and the lighted floor buttons went out.  
  
"And you can't avoid me," He continued, turning to look at Joan with a kind face. "Though I know you've been trying your hardest."  
  
Joan didn't know what to say. She fumbled with her hands, and then started pounding frantically on the buttons.  
  
"Joan, do you honestly think you're getting out of here until I'm ready for you to?" God asked gently.  
  
Joan closed her eyes, and leaned back against the elevator doors. She was trapped. She opened her eyes, floundering for something intelligent to say.  
  
"You were the one who told me to go out with him in the first place!" she blurted pathetically.  
  
"No, I didn't," God replied patiently.  
  
"You did too! Before the party you told me to have! The party that burned down three buildings, I might add," Joan retorted.  
  
"First of all, Joan, the party didn't burn the buildings down. The party kept Toni and Carlisle from being there when it happened, and your father, too, I might add. And secondly, I didn't tell you to 'go out' with Adam. I told you to figure things out."  
  
"I did!" Joan insisted. She frowned. "Didn't I?"  
  
"I don't know," God said. "Did you?"  
  
Joan rolled her eyes and sighed.  
  
"You know, for being the guy that has all the answers, you sure ask a lot of questions," she muttered.  
  
"If I didn't question you, Joan, you'd never think about your decisions," God reasoned.  
  
"What is that supposed to mean?!" Joan moaned, throwing up her hands.  
  
"Okay, so maybe I didn't think about it beforehand, but it's all I've thought about since it happened! Which is why I can't talk to Adam, and I can't talk to you!"  
  
God shifted the camera bag to the other shoulder, and smiled warmly.  
  
"You can always talk to me, Joan. Turning away is never the right answer. Jeez, you haven't read much of my book, have you?"  
  
"It's on my To Do list," Joan mumbled. "Really. But I don't know why you let me make wrong decisions in the first place! Why didn't you give me some sort of mission or something to keep it from happening?"  
  
"Everyone makes wrong decisions. It's an outcome of the free will I gave you. But with free will come mistakes, and with mistakes come consequences."  
Joan's eyes widened, and her lip quivered slightly.  
  
"You mean...does that mean...I'm going to...Hell?" she whispered.  
  
"Would you let me finish?" God asked.  
  
"Sorry!" Joan said quickly.  
  
"That's it!" God replied. "Sorry. Confession. Repentance. Atonement. Forgiveness."  
  
Joan's cheeks were burning. She looked at her hands, and took a deep breath.  
  
"Joan, I know you're sorry for what you did. You made a mistake, it's human nature. But what matters is what you do about your mistakes. You can ignore them, pretend they've never happened, like you've been doing. But is that making anything better?"  
  
"No," Joan said quietly.  
  
"Come to me, Joan. Come to me with your problems, regardless of how angry you think I'm going to be. I forgive, but you have to ask for it, first, and really mean it. It's only then that I can guide you."  
  
Joan looked up at Him, her eyes shimmering with tears.  
  
"I'm sorry. Please forgive me," she said softly. God, aka, Camera Man, stepped forward and embraced her.  
  
"Done," he said with a smile. "But that doesn't mean that there aren't going to be any consequences."  
  
"What do you mean?" Joan asked, pulling away.  
  
"Figure it out," God said with a wink.  
  
The elevator breathed back to life, and the doors pinged and swung open. God stepped out, leaving Joan wondering if she'd just been given advice, or another mission.  
  
As Joan drove home, she was surprised to find that she felt more space in her chest than she had in a month. She could finally breathe again, the big confrontation was over. Well, one of them. She still had to deal with Adam, and she wondered if that perhaps might be worse than facing the Almighty Himself.  
  
To say that Joan and Adam hadn't spoke at all since it had happened wasn't entirely true. There had been those few awkward moments directly afterwards before Joan had gone home. And a few sheepish "Hi"s in the hallways. But Adam hadn't called for nearly a week after, and when he had started calling, Joan didn't answer. But what do you say after something like that? She'd been freaked out enough about their first kiss. But on the night of her party, swaying in Adam's arms, she knew that what he wanted was what she wanted, and they'd officially "coupled". That was six months ago, and Joan wondered if it would be too much to ask of Him to rewind time about that far. Even a month would be fine.  
  
What kind of consequences, exactly, had God been talking about? Were she and Adam going to have a ferocious breakup? Were her parents going to find out? Or worse, Friedman, and spread it all over school? Suddenly, Joan's mind flashed back to a hallway conversation she'd had with Luke shortly before their father was almost killed. She now heard his words, like taunting echoes.  
  
I know about the baby, Joan. I know that you're pregnant.  
  
Suddenly, Joan heard the loud, angry honk of a car as she nearly rolled through a stop sign. Her heart, which had already begun to pound, leapt into her throat, and she slammed on the brakes. Luckily, she came to a screeching halt before any harm was done.  
She sat behind the wheel for a moment, waiting for her blood pressure to drop. But she wasn't thinking about her near-accident. The words kept pulsating through her mind, getting louder and more threatening.  
  
Baby.  
  
Pregnant.  
  
"Oh, God." Joan said. And instead of going home, she turned around, and headed to Adam's house.  
  
A/N ~ TBC!!! If you want me to, that is. I realize this first chapter might not be very clear, but things will start coming together better soon, cross my heart. So what did you think, anyway? Please let me know, feedback is the ink of my mental pen! =) 


	2. Closer To Reality

A/N ~ Thanks to those of you who read the first chapter! I hope you liked it, in spite of how confusing it was. Since it wasn't very clear, I'm going to give you a little story background now, because I probably should have in the first place : After Adam and Joan danced under the streetlights (in Recreation), they "coupled", and a month before the story begins, they (*gasp!*) slept together..this is how Joan defied God, and ever since it happened, she has been trying to avoid both God and Adam. Now, after talking to God about consequences, Joan assumes she is pregnant, and decides she has to go make things right with Adam, which is where the story picks up in Chapter 2. I hope that makes things a little less confusing! And as always, please please please review! =)  
  
She knew he'd be in his shed, so she went directly there after pulling into his driveway. Well, not directly. First she'd sat in the car, trying to figure out what in the name of God (no pun intended) she was going to say. Or do, if it was true. And what if Adam didn't want to see her? What if he was pissed because she hadn't returned his calls? Would he be as willing to forgive?  
  
Finally, Joan stepped out of the car, shivering even though it was July. Her feet felt like they were part of the ground as she took slow, heavy steps to the shed.  
  
"Jane," Adam said, looking up from his latest contraption, obviously surprised to see her.  
  
"Adam," Joan said, surprised at how wavery her voice had come out. She felt her cheek, and found it damp. She hadn't even realized she'd been crying.  
  
"What is it?" he asked softly, putting down a hubcap and coming over to meet her.  
  
"Adam...I'm sorry," she rasped, the words coming out choked, pushing past what she really had intended to say.  
  
Adam looked at her intently for a moment, weighing whether or not to believe her. When he pulled her into his arms, she let herself cry even harder, a mixture of relief and apprehension.  
  
"It's okay, yo," Adam said gently, as he ran his hand down Joan's hair and linked his arms around her ribcage.  
  
Joan turned her face away from Adam's shoulder and into his neck, her ragged breath warming his collarbone. He embraced her tightly, reassuringly, and she wondered how she had done without him, his touch, the way he made her feel like the most normal and the most extraordinary girl at the same time, but above all, the way he made her feel safe.  
  
"I'm sorry, too, Jane," he said finally, kissing her atop the head.  
  
He'd been holding her in his arms, without further question, just trying to calm her down. He spoke as if he thought this is what she had been waiting for.  
  
"I don't want you to be sorry, Adam," she replied. "I just want you to forgive me."  
Adam's eyes veiled over with confusion.  
  
"Forgive you?"  
  
"For avoiding you for so long when what I really should have done was come to you. God, maybe you were as freaked out as I was, and I wasn't even here to help you. I just ran away from you again....how could I have done that?" she whispered, tears overwhelming her again.  
  
"I get it," he said. "I know you freaked. I did too, yo. But the only reason I freaked was because I thought that we'd ruined everything, you know? When we thought that it would...I don't know, make everything...."  
  
"Real?" Joan guessed.  
  
"Yeah."  
  
Joan released a shuddery breath from her tumultuous insides as she considered the word. Real. Reality. Reality was about to set in. And with that, she suddenly remembered why she had come.  
  
"Adam," she said.  
  
"What?" he asked, leaning back from her, and framing her face with his hands. He was look straight into her eyes, and her knees buckled.  
  
"Jane," he said, with soft urgency, steadying her. "Dude, whatever it is, I won't be mad."  
  
He linked his fingers through the belt loops of Joan's maroon corduroy skirt, and leaned his forehead against hers. Sometimes Joan was overtaken by the intensity of the love she could feel from Adam, just from the simplest gestures. Bearing this in mind, she somehow found the confidence to say it.  
  
"What if I'm pregnant?"  
  
She felt him freeze, his body and expression go rigid in unison as soon as the question had been asked.  
  
"You're pregnant?" he asked, his voice barely audible, as he looked at her. Joan was surprised by the lack of disbelief on his face.she couldn't quite read it, but it definitely didn't say "shock".  
  
"No," Joan said quickly - a little too quickly.  
  
"I mean, I don't know. Maybe....I, I just have this feeling," she explained feebly.  
  
"Feeling like what?" Adam asked, confused, as he slid a hand upward from her hip and splayed it over her flat abdomen.  
  
"Like....I'm pregnant!" she finished, now confused herself.  
  
"That's wicked heavy, Jane...." Adam said, his voice trailing off.  
  
Joan could feel the fear that she was feeling coming through in Adam's voice.  
  
"I'm sorry," Joan said again, not knowing what else she could say.  
  
"Come on, yo," Adam said, grabbing Joan's hand and leading her out into the twilight.  
  
"Where are we going?" she asked timidly.  
  
Adam led her to the passenger side of his car, and opened the door for her. As soon as she'd sat inside, raising her eyebrows at him, he went to the driver's side, got in, and began pulling out of the driveway.  
  
"Adam, where are we going?" she asked again.  
  
"Don't you want to know?" he asked, and she knew he wasn't asking her if she wanted him to tell her where they were going. That wasn't what he meant.  
  
Joan didn't answer....the truth was, she didn't want to know if she was...pregnant. Not for sure. She was a little surprised at Adam, though. He'd never actually....taken charge like this with her before. For once, his spacey-ness was not gone, but diminished somewhat. She didn't like it. It wasn't Adam. But at the same time, she was grateful for it.  
  
Adam drove for what seemed like forever, until the street signs had changed color, and Joan wasn't sure where they were anymore. But she trusted that Adam did. And even if he didn't, she knew he'd bring her home, he always did. Finally, Adam pulled into the parking lot of a drugstore, unbuckled his seatbelt, and started out of the car.  
  
"Lock the doors, kay? I'll be right back," he said. As he was getting out of the car, Joan grabbed his wrist.  
  
"Why are you doing this, Adam?" she asked, holding his eyes to hers.  
  
Adam looked at her compassionately, and kissed her hand.  
  
"Because you're scared," he said. He offered her a slight smile, and then jogged into the drugstore.  
  
Joan leaned back against the seat, and closed her eyes, letting everything sink in deeper. She could be pregnant with Adam Rove's baby -- for real this time. God, how was she going to tell her parents? They would positively, absolutely, totally freak. They'd flipped when they'd mistakenly suspected that she could've mothered the baby that cheerleader dumped in the garbage last year. What would her father, Kevin even, do to poor Adam? Her head began to pound in rhythm with her erratic heart. Jeez, why wasn't God ever around when she had a few questions of her own?  
  
Suddenly, a tapping on the window glass made Joan jump slightly. She looked out the window, and saw Him, in his Cute Boy guise, looking in at her tenderly. He motioned for her to roll the window down, and of course, she complied. When God told you to roll down the window, you did it. In fact, Joan was fairly certain it was in the Ten Commandments. Right after having a yard sale and inviting the school psychopath to the winter semiformal.  
  
"Don't you think you're jumping to conclusions here, Joan?" He asked, smirking.  
  
Joan looked around suspiciously, as she still felt the need to do.  
  
"What are You doing here?" she whispered loudly.  
  
"You know, just because we're not face to face doesn't mean you can't talk to me. I'm always listening, and I'm always with you," God assured her.  
"Always?" Joan asked, letting her mind wander to places she was sure neither of them prefer it be.  
  
"Yep."  
  
"You mean, you were there when Adam and I-" she stammered in mortification.  
  
God nodded.  
  
"Weird," Joan said, shuddering.  
  
"You think it was weird for you?" God asked.  
  
"Let's say we're even, okay? But you still haven't answered my question," Joan continued.  
  
"You haven't answered mine," God replied. "I asked if you if you thought you were jumping to conclusions."  
  
"You said my actions would have consequences," Joan insisted urgently.  
  
"And they will. So you automatically assume that you're pregnant?" God asked, sounding almost amused.  
  
"Are you saying I'm not?!" Joan demanded, sighing with relief.  
  
"No," God said.  
  
"So you're saying I am?!" Joan squealed.  
  
"No," God said again. "Hints, Joan. Remember the big picture?"  
  
Joan nodded, not wanting to go there.  
  
"But what is the hint here? About my 'consequences'? Am I missing it, or something? And is this some kind of mission? Because you haven't given me one since the time you told me to read The Bell Jar backwards.about which, I didn't question you, I might add!" Joan pouted.  
  
God smiled, and shook His head slightly.  
  
"Joan, I realize that you've done well taking on the missions I give you. But let us not forget that you've also disobeyed me. Now, that's been forgiven, but remember ripples? You'll be seeing your ripples soon. Just keep your eyes open," God said cryptically.  
  
Joan was beginning to wonder where Adam was.  
  
"Do you always have to look like this when Adam is around? I mean, really."  
  
"He's a great guy, Joan....it's not everyday you find one willing to go to the drugstore and buy you a pregnancy test," God pointed out.  
  
Joan winced at the mention of the p-word, not to mention the fact that she was discussing it with God, who happened to be pretty hot at the moment. But at the same time, He was right. Adam was... phenomenal.  
  
"Did...did I ever thank you for him?" she asked quietly.  
  
God smiled warmly, and reached His hand through the window, and squeezed Joan's hand.  
  
"Yes, Joan, in many ways."  
  
With that, He turned and started walking across the darkened parking lot. He paused, and turned around.  
  
"Keep your eyes open, Joan," he called. "Everything will be clear soon."  
  
Joan looked over as Adam unlocked the car door and seated himself behind the steering wheel. He put a small brown paper bag on the seat beside him, and leaned back, sighing. He looked over at Joan, and he leaned over and hugged her reassuringly.  
  
"Don't freak, Jane...it'll be okay....even if, you know, you are," Adam said.  
  
Joan nodded, though for the first time, she didn't believe him.  
  
A/N - Does that make any more sense? And more importantly, what did you think? Should I continue?? Thanks for the feedback! =) 


	3. Fear: Hers & His

A/N ~ Whoa! Thanks for all the reviews and constructive criticism! Thanks go out to the following reviewers: Design Girl, hgill, shelly belly, chell, Admiral Lily, JoA Brazil, K, Faith, Innogen, and Rebelle European. Special thanks to Sweetwater Gal, noavail, and maeve, for your extra comments. Sweetwater - I reread it, and you're right about God being too touchy-feely with Joan, it was definitely OOC, weird! Thanks for pointing it out. I am really excited that you guys like the story, and I am glad that I was able to clear up some of the confusion. I have an issue with "wordiness", in case you hadn't noticed. =) There will be a few fluffy moments in this chapter, but if you blink, you might miss them. So I hope you all still like it after this chapter...let me know! Reviews keep my fingers flying. =) Thanks!  
  
The ride back to Adam's house was silent, as both contemplated the  
jeopardy their youth was in. Secretly, Adam's chest burned with  
excitement. The prospect of Joan carrying his child was so...wicked.  
He knew better than anyone else that life is short, and what if one of  
them went out and got struck by lightning or something? No matter what  
happened, a child would forever bond the two of them, the way he stood  
as a link between his father and mother, a relic, a proclamation of  
their love. That's what this baby (if there was one) would be. Proof  
that Jane loved him as much as he loved her...after all, she wouldn't  
have slept with him if she hadn't. Right?  
  
In the passenger seat, however, Joan was thinking of anything but Adam. She was still focusing on the inevitable fate she'd suffer once her parents found out. Not only that, but she was wracking her brain for any possible reason God could have for her to be pregnant. But what had He said? A consequence. Just because something was a consequence didn't make it a mission, did it? God certainly hadn't told Joan to sleep with Adam. But He was in charge of what babies are born when and all that stuff, wasn't He? And didn't consequences even have to have reasons? She was mad confused.  
  
They finally arrived at Adam's house, and luckily, his father was working late. They had the house to themselves. As they went inside, Adam taking Joan's jacket, Joan's skin crawled in remembrance of the last time they had had the house to themselves. That was how they'd gotten into this mess in the first place.  
  
"So...?" Adam called softly, tapping on the door with his knuckles.  
  
Joan was hermited in the bathroom that adjoined to Adam's room, feeling dizzy. On the other side of the pale yellow door, Adam's throat had gone dry, and his hand trembled slightly as he lowered it after knocking.  
  
"Tell me again what I'm supposed to look for?" Joan called back.  
  
She sat on the edge of the bathtub, gripping the slender plastic stick in her hands, her eyes squeezed shut tightly. It wasn't that she didn't understand the test kit directions, which Adam had read to her twice before she went into the bathroom, refusing to let him come with her, but that she couldn't bring herself to look.  
  
"Uh, if there's a blue line, then it's positive," Adam replied, holding the instructions in his tremoring hands.  
  
Back in the bathroom, Joan's hands had begun to shake as well. Suddenly, she remembered what God had said to her back in the parking lot.  
  
Keep your eyes open. Everything will be clear soon.  
  
Taking a deep breath, Joan opened one eye, then the other. She looked at the little window on the pregnancy test, and saw a blue line, clear as a cloudless sky.  
  
She slowly closed her eyes again, wondering why she was so shocked. God has basically told her she was pregnant. It was the consequence of she and Adam's actions, after all.  
  
"Jane? Are you okay?" Adam asked, his voice slight as he tapped on the door again.  
  
When she didn't answer, he opened the door, and poked his head inside. Upon seeing that she had sunk to the cold tile floor, her shoulders shaking with the force of her sobs, he went to her in one graceful movement. He didn't have to look at the test to know what it said. He wrapped his arms around her, and tried to calm her choking sobs. As sixteen year old Adam Rove huddled on his bathroom floor with the one person he loved more than he felt capable of loving, the news that she was pregnant with his child didn't bring him a single feeling of regret. But the fact that she was falling apart because of it made him feel like sobbing until his cries drowned out her own.  
  
Adam let her cry for awhile, until he could stand it no longer. Then he spoke.  
  
"Yo, Jane," he attempted softly.  
  
She rubbed her index fingers under her eyes, trying to mop away the damp semi-circles, but they were simply replaced by fresh tears.  
  
"It'll be all right," he continued, hoping that his words would affect her somehow. And they did.  
  
"All right?! Adam, how will it be all right? This is like, the worst thing that could ever happen!" she cried in anguish.  
  
Adam absorbed the impact of the words like a slap across the face. He pulled away from her slightly, and shook his head in awe.  
  
"The worst thing that could ever happen?" he repeated. "I'm sorry, Joan, but I don't see the creation of a life as the worst thing that could ever happen. Some of us have had to deal with death, and I think that's way worse, yo, way worse."  
  
Joan was stunned, both with her own inconsideration, and with the severity of Adam's tone. It was such a shock against the caring drone that he'd used only moments before. She'd struck a nerve, and now regretted it.  
  
"Adam, I didn't mean-" she began feebly.  
  
"Joan, why don't you figure out what you did mean before you try to explain it to me," he said, and retreated back to his bedroom.  
  
~ ~ ~ ~  
  
Adam had wanted to drive her home, but Joan had insisted on driving herself. She couldn't afford to let anything look like it was out of the ordinary. And she was still ashamed of herself for what she had said. She didn't kiss Adam goodbye when she left, and wouldn't look into his eyes. If she had, she would've seen into his soul, and she was having a hard enough time dealing with what was inside of herself right now.  
  
"Where have you been?" Kevin crowed as Joan slammed the door behind her.  
  
Joan didn't answer, instead, she stoically trudged up the stairs, leaving Kevin at the bottom, both irritated and worried.  
  
Luke came in from the living room, and exchanged glances with Kevin.  
  
"What's with the sub-defective?" he asked, jabbing a thumb at the staircase.  
  
"I think you just answered your own question, bro," Kevin said, rolling his eyes, and wheeling himself away.  
  
But Luke wasn't convinced. Even when Joan was in her moodiest moods, she still managed to snap back at her brother. Something was definitely up.  
  
Upstairs, Joan had buried her face in her pillow, unable to contain her tears any longer. She'd managed to make it to her room, at least. Thank God she hadn't lost it in front of Kevin. He was already going to be suspicious. Oh well, she thought. In a few months, it won't matter anyway. Everyone will know. Everyone.  
  
The thought brought on a new fleet of sobs, and Joan stuffed the pillow into her mouth to silence them. Consequence or no consequence, this shouldn't have happened to her.  
  
Out of her tear-blurred eyes, she noticed the calendar. She realized that her parents would be home in two days.  
  
"Oh, God." she yelped, her eyes overflowing for about the thousandth time.  
  
Suddenly, she heard a small tapping noise. She looked around, and then heard it again. She determined that it was coming from her window, and as she looked over, she saw small pebbles hitting her windowpane.  
  
Adam, she thought.  
  
But when she got over to the window, it wasn't Adam at all. Instead, it was Cute Boy God again. She opened her window, and leaned out.  
  
"You called?" He asked, his hands in his pockets.  
  
Joan sniffled, and then seated herself on the windowsill, preparing to climb down.  
  
"Do you really think that's a good idea in your condition?" God called.  
  
Joan momentarily considered flinging herself to the ground, but figured that she was in enough trouble as it was. With her luck, she'd end up living, and having the "consequence" of ending up like Kevin. So she closed her window, and snuck stealthily down the stairs and out the back door.  
  
Joan padded barefoot out into the backyard, and stood face to face with Cute Boy God.  
  
"Same getup, twice in a row?" she asked, her voice frail and tired from wailing.  
  
"Well, I thought the neighbors might find it strange if a fifty-three year old mail carrier was throwing stones at a teenager's window at eleven at night," God replied coolly.  
  
"Just wait until they find out that the teenager is pregnant," Joan scoffed.  
  
God smiled, being patient with Joan's lack of understanding.  
  
"Look, Joan, I know this is a lot for a girl your age to deal with, but girls your age do, everyday," He said.  
  
"So what? Is this some sort of empathy lesson for the girls who go and get knocked up everyday? 'Cause I kinda thought we already covered that with the whole cheerleading thing," Joan snapped.  
  
"No-" God began.  
  
"Oh, wait, yes, of course. It's not a lesson, it's a consequence," she said sarcastically.  
  
"It's whatever you make of it, Joan," God said simply.  
  
Joan pulled at a hangnail on her thumb.  
  
"Adam is right, you know," God added. "Maybe you should consider yourself lucky. There are a lot worse things in life than life."  
  
"That's great," Joan said. "But somehow I don't think my parents will see it that way."  
  
"Why are you so afraid, Joan? It's not as if they're going to stop loving you. Of course they'll be angry, but their anger is just a side consequence of your actions," God said.  
  
Joan felt anger bubbling up inside, but she set her jaw and fought it.  
  
"Well, if I wouldn't have ended up this way, then they never would have had to know it even happened!" she exclaimed.  
  
"So you would've lied to them? Joan, lying isn't ever the right choice. You know that," God said.  
  
"Well, it's a whole lot better than my dad having a toxic heart attack when he finds out about this!" Joan cried.  
  
God smiled reassuringly.  
  
"Your father is not going to have a heart attack. Haven't you ever heard that I never give you more than you can handle?"  
  
"Never until now," Joan retorted.  
  
"You can handle this, Joan, I promise you. But you can't shut everyone out, including me. Talk to me, talk to Adam, talk to your parents. Talk to your parents with Adam. Maybe he can get to them with that whole life versus death speech. It's pretty good, you know," God said. "Especially since your parents had a brush with death not to long ago, remember?"  
  
Joan nodded.  
  
"Talk to them, Joan," God added. "They'll understand. Maybe not right away, but someday, they'll understand. And so will you."  
  
A/N ~ ....and the verdict IS...(Review) =) 


	4. Three of Us Now

A/N ~ Here it is, Chapter Four! I know, it took me long enough...but I was trying to figure out how to end the story (don't worry, it'll take me awhile!), and I had trouble figuring out where to go with it...but I've got it clear now! Thanks again for the reviews, you guys are fabulous. I'd give Adam to all of you if I could! =) Pllleeease read and review! =)  
  
"Joan!"  
  
Joan rolled over, and blinked rapidly. Luke came into focus, standing over her bed, looking at her with raised eyebrows. She sat up, a little too quickly. She looked around, and realized that it was morning, and she was still in the clothes she had worn yesterday. She must have cried herself to sleep last night, even after her session with God.  
  
"What?" she asked Luke, rubbing her bleary eyes.  
  
"It's almost nine...or did you forget?" Luke demanded.  
  
"Forget what?" Joan asked.  
  
Luke nodded to himself.  
  
"Obviously, you've forgotten. You, me, Adam, Grace...Thunder Park? Is this firing off any neurons?" he asked, placing his hands on his hips.  
  
Crap, Joan thought.  
  
The four of them were supposed to go to Thunder Park, this amusement park...they had been planning it for weeks. She'd forgotten all about it...and now it was too late to bail.  
  
"Right...yeah, I better call Adam and remind him," Joan said, standing and raking a hand through her knotted hair.  
  
"Actually, why don't I do that, while you try to make yourself look human?" Luke said, pointing both index fingers toward the door.  
  
"Shut up, Luke," Joan said. "At least I can make myself look human with a shower!" she called as he jogged downstairs.  
  
Joan plodded into the bathroom, showered, and wrapped herself in a soft, white terry robe. She scoffed at the fact that she was wearing white. As she entered her bedroom, scrubbing at her drenched locks with a towel, she was startled to find Adam seated on her bed.  
  
"Hey Jane," he said, bracing his hands on the bed behind him, and leaning back.  
  
"Hi," she said slowly, ashamed to look at him.  
  
"I'm sorry about last night," they said in unison.  
  
Their eyes finally met, and the apologies were accepted just as they were spoken -- in unison. Joan went over and leaned into Adam's arms, where she fit so perfectly, as if she'd been created for no other purpose than to be held by him.  
  
He ran his hand over her wet hair, which smelled like strawberries. He hoped that she felt as good on the inside as she looked on the outside, because even now, in her simple robe, with no makeup, she was gorgeous to him. Even if she was falling to pieces inside because of him.  
  
"So we have to go do this thing with Grace and Luke," she said into the soft cotton of his navy blue tee shirt.  
  
"Cha," Adam replied. "This should be interesting, huh?"  
  
Joan pulled back, and looked at him with questioning eyes, eyes that begged him to tell her everything would work out.  
  
But he didn't. Because Adam had never lied to Joan, and he had promised long ago that he never would.  
  
Adam was driving the four of them to Thunder Park, and the car was tense with secrets. Grace noted that Joan, who ordinarily couldn't force her eyes away from Rove for twenty seconds, looked out the open window, totally spaced out. And Rove, who usually risked driving one handed so he could hold "Jane's hand with the other, was white-knuckling the steering wheel.  
  
"So I guess a rousing game of Travel Bingo is out of the question?" Luke asked.  
  
Neither Adam nor Joan seemed to notice that Luke had spoken, and Grace simply shot him a "look", wondering how she possibly could've been dating this moron for almost four months. Luke slumped back against the seat, pouting. But he didn't pout for long, because he realized that from his poorly postured position, he had a great view of Grace's stellar legs...she was wearing cutoff denim shorts.  
  
When they got to the park, Luke and Grace strolled up to the ticket booth, while Adam and Joan, hand in hand, lingered behind, as solemn as if they were walking into a wake as opposed to an amusement park.  
  
"You know guys, I think it's working, the sun is actually beginning to fade," Grace called, shielding her eyes as she glanced toward the sky. "Keep it up and you might actually be able to conjure a full-fledged hurricane before noon."  
  
Adam and Joan both glared at her.  
  
"Jeez! Lighten up, will you? This will be fun," Grace insisted. With that, she looped her arm through Luke's, and headed into the park.  
  
Adam mechanically paid for two tickets, and he and Joan wandered inside behind Luke and Grace.  
  
"Aren't they just America's Sweethearts," Joan scoffed, rolling her eyes.  
  
"Funny," Adam said, rubbing his hand over his head. "Usually Grace is the one rolling her eyes at us."  
  
"Yeah," Joan said. "Well, a lot has changed in the past DAY."  
  
"Cha," Adam echoed.  
  
"Look, let's just pretend it never happened, okay? Any of it. We can't let on that anything is wrong," she continued.  
  
Adam nodded, even though he didn't want to pretend that none of it had ever happened. Nothing really was wrong, in his frame of mind, and the only regret he had was that Joan regretted everything. It was a good thing she loved him so much, he decided, or she would've tossed him a long time ago.  
  
"Come on, guys!" Luke called, as he and Grace got in line for a massive roller coaster.  
  
Adam and Joan joined them, and as they stood in line, Joan noticed something. On the sign that listed off all of the possible reasons you shouldn't go on this ride, was a picture of a pregnant stick woman (go figure). Joan's stomach flipped over, and she immediately grasped Adam's hand. His eyes shot to hers, alert, and she subtly nodded towards the sign. Adam drew in his breath in realization.  
  
"Hey, Grace," he said, elbowing her slightly. "Jane and me are gonna go use the facilities, kay? We'll catch up, yo."  
  
Joan smiled tidily at her brother, and the two slipped out of the line.  
  
"On second thought, maybe I should go on the coaster..." Joan mused as she and Adam sat down on a bench.  
  
Adam looked at her, bruised.  
  
"Adam, I'm sorry, it's just...it's going to take some getting used to, you know? Maybe my hormones are going crazy already," she blabbed.  
  
"It's okay," Adam said, picking at his cuticles.  
  
"How come you don't seem at all upset over this? I mean, you'd almost think you were happy about it or something," Joan said, as if that were impossible.  
  
"You think I'm not totally wigged out about this, Jane? 'Cause I am. I have no idea what to do with babies. I've never even held a baby before or anything. But," he said, his slightly panicked voice softening, "I know that I love you, and that we're still okay. I mean, we're only having a baby, yo."  
  
Joan couldn't help but laugh. ONLY having a baby? The death of Adam's mother must have effected him in an astronomic way for him to have such an appreciation of life. She thought it best not to mention that his own life could very well be endangered once Will Girardi got wind of the baby in his daughter's womb.  
  
"Keep saying things like that," Joan said. "And I might actually start to believe you."  
  
She sighed, and let her body rest against Adam's, as he put his arms around her.  
  
"When are we going to tell our parents?" Joan asked after a moment.  
  
"I dunno," Adam replied. "Probably soon."  
  
"You've got it made if your dad takes it as easy as you have," Joan commented dismally, knowing that her parents were absolutely going to lose it.  
  
"And you think I'm gonna let you deal with your parents on your own?" Adam asked.  
  
"You're right," Joan said. "I think we should tell them together."  
  
"Okay," Adam said. "How?"  
  
Joan sighed again...that was the part she hadn't figured out yet.  
  
"I have no idea. Maybe we should just wait and see how long it takes them to notice," she said, laughing ruefully.  
  
"But you should go to the doctor, Jane. To make sure everything's all right, you know? I'll go with you, if you want."  
  
Joan hadn't even thought of that yet. Doctors appointments, Lamaze classes, a nursery, getting fat, giving birth...all of it was so overwhelming. She felt she might pass out.  
  
"Are you okay?" Adam asked, sensing this.  
  
"Yeah, yeah, I'm fine...I think I just need some water," she stammered.  
  
"Done," Adam said, kissing the crown of Joan's head and heading to the concession stand.  
  
As soon as Adam walked away, Joan leaned forward, and rested her head in her hands. She was pretty sure that this was, in fact, more than she could handle. She felt a shadow cast over her, and she assumed Adam was back.  
  
"That was fast," she said, straightening up. "Oh."  
  
It wasn't Adam at all, but a thirteen-ish looking girl, wearing a pale purple halter top and a denim skirt. She had long blonde hair, and a summer sunburn.  
  
"You're doing well, Joan," the girl said.  
  
"It's only been one day," she said sardonically. "Give me some time. I'm sure I'll screw this up, too."  
  
The girl laughed, and shook her head.  
  
"You're definitely on the right track. You've got to tell your parents, and soon. They're coming home tomorrow, right?"  
  
"Duh," Joan replied.  
  
"Good. In the meantime, why don't you try to take your mind off things a bit?" God suggested.  
  
Joan blinked twice, unamused.  
  
"You know, if You weren't the Creator of the Universe, you'd make a killing as a comedian," she muttered.  
  
"Don't forget that you have other friends besides just Adam," God continued.  
  
"You mean Grace?" Joan asked. "Hello, what am I doing right now? Grace is on some ride I can't go on, thanks to You."  
  
"No, thanks to you," God corrected.  
  
"Right. Consequences. I got it. But what about Grace? Am I supposed to hang out with her more or something?" Joan asked.  
  
God nodded.  
  
"It's not a bad idea."  
  
"Wow, that's a tough one," Joan said sarcastically. "Sure you're not overworking me?"  
  
"Think of it as your maternity leave," the girl/God said, smiling sweetly. She waggled her fingers at Joan, and strolled away.  
  
"Here," Adam said, extending a cup of water to Joan as he returned.  
  
Just as Adam got back, Luke and Grace, aptly exhilarated, approached them.  
  
"Cripe, long enough visit to the john?" Grace laughed, raising a skeptical brow.  
  
"Jane's not feeling so hot," Adam explained.  
  
Joan's stomach turned anxiously, worrying if this would further propel any suspicions Grace or Luke might have.  
  
"Dude, that sincerely sucks," Grace said, with a hint of sympathy. "That ride was awesome!"  
  
"Yeah, something about the way the gravitational pull counteracted with the throttle pressure-" Luke began, but stopped and smiled sheepishly when Grace eyed him strangely.  
  
"Well, we're going to head over to the Tilt-A-Whirl...are you sure you're too sick to join us?" Luke asked.  
  
Joan didn't even have to look at the sign to know that a Tilt-A-Whirl is no place for a pregnant girl, and she shook her head.  
  
"We'll be fine here, man. You guys have fun," Adam said, rubbing tiny circles over Joan's back as she sipped some of the water.  
  
"I'm sorry to ruin this day for you," Joan said as Luke and Grace took off.  
  
"Getting to spend one on one time with you is never a ruined day, Jane," Adam assured her.  
  
Joan looked up at him, and smiled disdainfully.  
  
"Except it's not one on one time anymore," she pointed out. "There's three of us now."  
  
A/N – See, that wasn't even REALLY a cliffie, was it? * Shrugs innocently * Well, I hope you liked that chapter! Please tell me! =) Reviews make me smile almost as much as Adam does! =) 


	5. The First Confession

A/N ~ First off, I must apologize! That must be the longest increment of time I've gone between updates on a story I hadn't abandoned...but I haven't! I was swamped with school stuff, and I wrote in another conflict, because ya know, Joan being pregnant isn't quite enough conflict. =) Also, I'm sort of putting off the parental confrontation because I'm not sure how I want the news to come out yet...if I want a structured meeting, or a comedic "oops"...any suggestions would be appreciated! Again, sorry for the wait, please review!! =)  
  
Adam and Joan spectated for the rest of the trip, blaming their sluggishness on Joan's "illness". On the car ride home, Joan asked Luke if she could sit in back with Grace, so the two could talk. Luke obliged, although Adam was slightly put-off, mistakenly assuming the Joan simply didn't want to sit next to him.  
  
"Sorry that I wasn't much fun today," Joan said to Grace, who was drawing some sort of tattoo on her knee with an ink pen.  
  
"Don't worry about it, Geek Boy was plenty entertaining," Grace replied in her usual monotone.  
  
Upon hearing this, Luke beamed in the passenger seat.  
  
"So, Grace, you know, I'm feeling a lot better now," Joan began. "...and so I was thinking maybe you should stay over at my house tonight."  
  
In the front of the car, Luke's hopes strung up taut like a guitar, and Adam nearly swerved off the road.  
  
"Okay, sure," Grace said. "But don't think you're going to try painting my toenails again."  
  
"I still say they looked cute," Joan said, shrugging.  
  
"They did," Grace retorted. "That was the problem."  
  
Joan laughed for what seemed like the first time in ages, and at this, a hint of a smile appeared on Adam's lips, and he exhaled, something he hadn't done since the last time Jane had smiled.  
  
Adam dropped Luke, Grace, and Joan off at the Girardi residence, which was empty. Kevin had taken Rebecca to some play, and Will and Helen wouldn't be home until tomorrow evening. After Luke and Grace had traipsed inside, Adam held Joan's hands as the two stood in the same place they had danced six months ago.  
  
"Are you gonna tell Grace?" Adam asked.  
  
Joan bit her lip, and shrugged.  
  
"If it comes up?" she said.  
  
Adam nodded slowly.  
  
"Yeah. She'd be cool about it, for sure," he said.  
  
"Don't tell your dad tonight, if you can help it," Joan requested.  
  
"I told him last night, yo," Adam replied.  
  
"Wwwhat?!" Joan cried.  
  
"Jane, I was joking, chill," Adam assured her. "I know you wanna wait until you tell your mom and the Sheriff."  
  
"It's funny," Joan mused. "You don't sound at all concerned when you say, 'the Sheriff', even though he'll probably come after you with his gun."  
  
"Well, in that case, I better go home and build a bulletproof shield," Adam said, moving closer and kissing her.  
  
"I love you, Adam," Joan whispered.  
  
"I love you."  
  
Adam held her hand until he got too far away and her fingers slipped from his, and then got into his car and drove away.  
  
Joan went inside to the kitchen, and was met by the heinous image of her brother and her best friend making out.  
  
"Ew!" she squealed, shielding her eyes as she approached the fridge. "Guys, please. We talked about this!"  
  
"Sorry," Grace said, pulling away and wiping the back of her hand across her mouth.  
  
Luke pulled off his glasses and rubbed them on his polo shirt.  
  
"C'mon, Grace, let's go to my room," Joan suggested, drawing two sodas from the fridge. "And promise me this time you'll stay there!"  
  
Luke and Grace exchanged glances like scolded children. Grace then rolled her eyes and drew an 'X' over her heart with a finger.  
  
"Let's go," Joan said, starting up the staircase.  
  
Luke leaned over to kiss Grace on the cheek, and after a moment of begrudging hesitation, she leaned her head over slightly and let him kiss her.  
  
"Night," he called after the two as they slammed Joan's door.  
  
They settled in Joan's room, Grace on her stomach on the floor, resting her chin on a small mint green pillow, and Joan seated with her back leaning against her bed.  
  
"So what was up with you and Rove today?" Grace asked. "You were a million miles away, and he was acting like...a normal person. And that means something is definitely up."  
  
Joan sighed, and yanked her hair in two tails over her shoulders. She gripped her hair for a moment, and looked out the window into the night sky. Appropriately, it was starless. God was probably making it so there were no stars for Joan to wish on, so that she couldn't wish away this baby.  
  
"Grace...if I tell you something, you have to make me three promises," Joan said finally.  
  
"Okay..." Grace said, not understanding. "What?"  
  
"First," Joan said, tucking her legs up beside her. "You have to promise you won't freak out. Secondly, you have to swear you won't tell a soul, especially not Luke. And third, you have to agree to be my baby's godmother."  
  
Grace spewed a stream of the Sprite she'd been drinking all the way across the room, spattering it on the back of Joan's door. She then proceeded to choke violently, sputtering and gasping for breath. At last, she stopped.  
  
"Are you okay?" Joan asked quietly.  
  
Grace nodded, and took another sip of Sprite, trying to calm the cough, but it only caused her to have another outburst.  
  
When Grace was finally done choking, she had to swallow the information Joan had fed her.  
  
"No kidding?" she asked in a sincere tone. "You and Rove...?"  
  
Joan nodded, her lower lip begin to quiver.  
  
Grace shifted uncomfortably. She didn't how to take this news, and she certainly didn't know how to make Joan feel better. She sucked at stuff like this.  
  
"So...what are you going to do?" Grace asked stoically, tracing patterns in the carpet.  
  
"I don't know," Joan whimpered, as she dissolved in tears. She pulled her knees to her chest, and buried her face in her arms.  
  
Grace couldn't stand to see Joan this way -- it was like seeing a stray kitten out in the rain and even though you think it's kind of pathetic, you can't help but want to shelter it and keep it safe.  
  
Grace got up and went over to Joan, and hugged her for the first time since they'd been friends. Joan relaxed in Grace's comforting embrace, deciding that this is what it must feel like when a sister hugs you. Somewhere between her mom's hug and Kevin's hug.  
  
"So how's Rove taking it?"  
  
Joan tipped her head to the side in thought.  
  
"You know, he's actually not taking that bad. Not bad at all. I swear he'd be excited if I wasn't so terrified," Joan replied.  
  
"Well, look on the bright side. There's worse people to have kids with. I mean, if you're going to be a teen mom, Rove is about as good a teen dad as you're gonna get, right?" Grace offered.  
  
"It's not that," Joan said. "My parents..."  
  
"Are coming home tomorrow," Grace finished. "Yikes."  
  
"Yeah."  
  
Joan sighed, and ran her hands through her hair. It was strange...since she'd told Grace, she almost felt a little better.  
  
"Have you thought about how you're going to tell them" Grace asked.  
  
"Actually, I've sort of been skipping that part and going right to the scene where they wig out," Joan replied.  
  
Grace nodded, pursing her lips. What now?  
  
"Do you think Carl will freak out, Grace? I mean, you must know him better than I do...you've known him, like, forever," said Joan.  
  
"He's not usually too hard on Adam," Grace said. "I guess it's because he feels like what Adam's mom did is sort of his fault, and he's always trying to make it up to him."  
  
"So Adam probably won't get half the fallout that I will," Joan concluded.  
  
Grace tucked her legs up so that she was sitting Indian style.  
  
"But see, that's the thing," she mused. "Rove will make it his fallout, too. Everything that hurts you, he takes it onto himself, like he thinks he can make you not feel it if he does instead."  
  
Grace's eyes had gone glassy again, as if she were in deep thought. Her mouth had curved into an unfamiliar frown...not that Grace never frowned, in fact, her expression of choice was a scowl. But this...this was different. Joan had never seen her make this face before.  
  
Suddenly, Grace stood up, her eyes abruptly filling with tears.  
  
"I've gotta go," she stammered, zipping her coat, and fleeing the room.  
  
Joan was left on her floor, dumbfounded. She stood up and went to her window, and saw Grace huffily traipsing down the street. As Joan watched her friend leave, she wondered what she'd done to upset Grace. She felt her own eyes fill with tears. Great, she thought. All I need is for Grace to hate me now.  
  
She flopped onto her bed, and closed her eyes. She longed for Adam...Grace was right about him. He always tried to feel Joan's pain for her...that was how much he loved her. It was overwhelming at times, and Joan wondered if Adam deserved better. The thought brought on more tears, and she realized that she was experiencing déjà vu...she'd been in this exact spot last night, doing this exact thing.  
  
She waited for the pebbles to start hitting her window. But they did not. Joan rolled off her bed, and grabbed a light denim jacket from a hook on her wall. If God wouldn't come to her when she needed some answers, she'd just go find Him.  
  
A/N ~ Was that at all worth the wait? Think you know what's up with Grace? Want to know for sure?! Please review, I promise I will update much much sooner this time! 


	6. No Stars To Wish On Tonight

A/N ~ See, I told you I'd update sooner this time! Yay for meeting goals!!! However, I must admit I usually only find the time to write on weekends, so it could take a week before I can update again. I'm still building up to the "Big Confession", too. I hope I'm not drawing this story out too much and making you guys bored...anyway, read the chapter and review, please!!! Thanks! =)  
  
"Joan, what happened? I just saw Grace rush off," Luke said as Joan  
reached the bottom of the stairs.  
  
"Yeah, I know, I'm...just going to go find her, yeah," Joan bumbled, and huffed out the door, leaving Luke mystified, as per usual.  
  
Once Joan had started meandering down the sidewalk, she realized that she had no clue where she was going. God had always just...appeared before. Where in His name would God just...hang out?  
  
She sighed, and continued wandering in the warm twilight. Suddenly, a creaking noise interrupted the silence.  
  
"Beautiful noche, eh Joan?"  
  
Joan glanced up to find an elderly Hispanic woman tottering back and forth in a rocking chair on a dimly lit front porch.  
  
"You know Spanish?" Joan muttered, heading up the walk to the porch.  
  
"Si. I speak all languages, Joan. When you communicate with the entire world, being fluent comes in handy."  
  
"I'll keep that in mind on my next French exam," Joan replied as she seated herself on the porch steps.  
  
"So. You sought Me, and I was found. What is it that you need?" God said.  
  
"A time machine?" Joan suggested hopefully.  
  
God smiled at Joan's hapless determination.  
  
"I'd settle for some answers," Joan conceded.  
  
"Joan, you know you've got to find those yourself. Think of Me as a compass. I just point you in the right direction."  
  
"Well, 'Down' seems to be the only direction I'm headed in lately," Joan mumbled, resting her chin on her knees.  
  
"There's only one way to go from there," God replied.  
  
"Yeah. Farther down."  
  
"If you just keep taking My advice, things will get better, Joan," God continued.  
  
"Oh, right, of course. Because spending quality time with Grace made things SPARKLE!"  
  
"Do you really need God to tell you to hang out with your amigos?" God queried.  
  
"No, but I need You to help me when I piss them off for no apparent reason!" Joan exclaimed.  
  
"Ah, but there is a reason. Everything has a reason," God reasoned.  
  
Joan pulled her hair away from her neck, and knotted it in frustration.  
  
"But you're not going to tell me, right?" she concluded.  
  
God yawned in the rocking chair.  
  
"Hey!" Joan cried. "That's really rude."  
  
"I'm sorry, Joan, but how many times have we gone over this? Answers aren't doled out like fortunes in cookies," God commented.  
  
"All right then. I'll take my hint, please."  
  
"Let me ask you a question. How would you feel if you were Grace?" God asked.  
  
"Grateful that I'm not the pregnant one," Joan responded without hesitation.  
  
"Think about it a little harder than that, Joan. Imagine if Grace and Adam, your two best friends, were having a baby together. "  
  
Joan frowned at the thought.  
  
"That would suck...especially since I'm the one who's in love with Adam," Joan replied.  
  
God stopped rocking.  
  
Suddenly, a light bulb lit up in Joan's mind.  
  
"What are you-"  
  
God shook His head.  
  
"Uh uh uh," He taunted.  
  
"Are you saying that-"  
  
God held up a warning finger.  
  
"Grace is in love with Adam?!"  
  
God smiled, proud of Joan's depth of thought.  
  
"NO! You've got to be kidding me!" Joan burst out, hitting her feet.  
  
"Settle down, Joan. It's not good for you to get all shook up like this," God said, hobbling over to her.  
  
"Well then maybe You shouldn't shake me up!" she shrieked, and stomped off the porch.  
  
"Where are you going, Joan?" God called after her.  
  
"Farther down!" Joan shouted.  
  
As Joan stalked away from the Hispanic woman/God, she fumed with hostility. Was her life just a big game for God? Or some soap opera that He sat down with popcorn and watched everyday? It sure seemed that way sometimes...particularly now. A soap opera...or a telenovela, as Spanish God would have said.  
  
Joan dragged her sandaled feet along the sidewalk, watching them instead of the depressingly-starless sky. She missed Adam.  
  
"Well, now what are we going to do?" she asked, automatically resting her hands on her still-flat abdomen.  
  
Joan stopped, as bewildered as if the baby inside of her had just answered. Standing on the sidewalk in the dark, she realized this was the first time she'd spoken to - acknowledged, even - her baby. It was an occurrence that seemed more miraculous to her than the first time God had spoken to her. Joan didn't know if she was relieved or frightened by the fact that she had actually talked to the baby, but she certainly felt something going on inside, and she wondered if it were the baby trying to let her know it was there, even when Joan stood alone...sort of like God.  
  
When Joan got home, she found Luke sprawled on the couch, sleeping to the Sci-Fi channel. Some low-budget horror flick blared on the screen, but the volume was turned off. A young girl screamed, but it made no sound. Still, sure enough, a guy about her age came running to her. He took her hands, and then her face, in his hands. He seemed to be trying to convince her that everything was all right, but the look in the girl's eyes said all too clearly that she wasn't buying it. Even so, she let the guy fold her into his arms, and pretended to feel safe until the real danger came and she had to confront it.  
  
Joan scoffed, flopped into a chair, and hit the "Off" button on the remote. She looked at the clock, and realized it was after midnight. Her parents were coming home today. Without warning, Joan's features contorted and she began to cry...again.  
  
"Joan?"  
  
Joan's head jerked up, and she noticed that Kevin had wheeled himself into the living room. His countenance was one of worry and concern as he studied his sister's tear-stained face.  
  
"Where have you been?" he asked, wheeling himself over to the chair Joan was curled up in.  
  
"I-I went for a walk. I needed...to think about some things," Joan murmured.  
  
"Are those 'things' the same things that have been bothering you for the past two days?" Kevin asked, raising his eyebrows.  
  
Joan nodded, and brushed a tear off her cheek, looking away to Luke, who was still catatonic.  
  
"Do you want to talk about it?" he asked.  
  
"Sooner or later," Joan mumbled under her breath as she shook her head.  
  
"Joan, I'm really worried about you. I mean, I know that's really cliche and stupid, but it's true. You've always been a little...off? But this isn't you. Something is going on. Maybe it will help if you tell someone," he suggested.  
  
"No," Joan said heartily, recalling Grace. "It won't."  
  
Kevin sighed heavily, searching Joan's anguished eyes for a clue, asking her one last time to let him help. Finally, he wrapped his hands around the wheels and rolled toward the doorway.  
  
"Kevin," Joan said stoically.  
  
Kevin paused in the doorway, and looked back at her.  
  
"Yeah?"  
  
"I'm pregnant."  
  
A/N~ I * love * cliffies, don't you?! =) 


	7. More Confessions

A/N – Here is a short but (hopefully) startling chapter. Please please please review!!! Thanks a bunch!  
  
"What?" Kevin asked, his jaw dropping as he wheeled himself backwards into the room.  
  
"You heard what I said," Joan replied sullenly.  
  
Kevin positioned himself in front of her chair again, and blinked several times. He shook his head slowly.  
  
"Oh my God," he said. "Joan - you're sixteen years old!"  
  
Joan's eyes filled with tears, and her body deflated again.  
  
"Hey," he said, remorsefully, putting his hands on her shoulders.  
  
"Look at me," he urged, his tone sincere.  
  
Joan lifted her head and looked at Kevin.  
  
"Don't...worry, I'm going to help you, okay?" he said with a sense of big-brother loyalty.  
  
"Are you sure you're-"  
  
Joan nodded submissively.  
  
"It's Adam, right?"  
  
"God, yes, Kevin! Who do you think I am?!" Joan exploded.  
  
"Ssshhh!" Kevin hissed, jerking his head in the direction of their sleeping sibling. "And for that matter, I obviously don't know who you are! I didn't think you were the kind of girl who'd end up pregnant before senior year!"  
  
Joan bowed her head.  
  
"Like you're one to talk," she retorted.  
  
"I never got anybody pregnant, did I?" Kevin said evenly. "I was always responsible."  
  
"Oh, God, Kevin, don't do this. I'm going to have to hear those words being bellowed from Dad's mouth soon enough," Joan groaned.  
  
"So is Adam the only one who knows? Besides me, I mean?" Kevin asked.  
  
"No," Joan said. "Grace knows too. But other than that, yes."  
  
"When did you find out?" Kevin continued, as strategically as a doctor.  
  
"Yesterday," Joan whispered.  
  
"How...when...how far along..." Kevin stammered.  
  
"Like a month is all, I think," Joan replied, the awkwardness of the situation like a bad taste in her mouth.  
  
"Wow...you're in deep sh-" Kevin exhaled, his head still spinning.  
  
"Thanks, beacuse I really didn't know that yet," Joan spat. She sighed. She hadn't meant to lash out at him -- he was only speaking the truth.  
  
"Kevin, how am I going to tell Mom and Dad? They're going to hate me!" she cried.  
  
"They will not hate you," Kevin insisted. "I made a stupid mistake too, and they don't hate me, do they?" Kevin paused. "Do they?"  
  
"Shut up," Joan said. "This is different. I mean, this is like, life- changing, forever, permanent..."  
  
Her voice trailed off as Kevin's eyebrows raised.  
  
"Okay, so maybe it's not that different, but still, it's different," she pouted.  
  
"Do you know what you want to do yet?" Kevin asked somberly.  
  
"I don't have any choice. Adam will hate me if I do anything less than keep it. I swear, he's the one who's glowing," Joan said.  
  
Kevin's jaw set with slight aggravation.  
  
"Which reminds me, I'll have to have a little chat with him," he said.  
  
"Um, Kevin, don't you think it's a little late for that?" Joan asked.  
  
Kevin grinned sardonically.  
  
"Oh my God, Kevin! My life is over!" Joan squealed in exasperation.  
  
"Huh?!" Luke murmured, jolting upright on the couch.  
  
"Aw, now look what you've done," Kevin said. "Then again, you might as well tell him now, too."  
  
"Tell me what?" Luke asked, adjusting his glasses and turning towards the two, who looked guilty.  
  
Joan looked at Luke, then at Kevin.  
  
"Go for it," she surrendered. "I'm sick of saying it."  
  
"Our sister is pregnant," Kevin announced with faux pride, embellishing the statement with a flourish of his hand.  
  
Luke smiled, and rubbed his eyes.  
  
"Uh, I must still be in REM sleep, because I know I didn't just hear you tell me that Joan is...is..."  
  
"Pregnant," Joan finished. "And yeah. You did. He did. I am."  
  
"Oh my God!" Luke screeched like a schoolgirl. "Are you kidding me?! Joan, Mom and Dad are going to freak!"  
  
Joan leaned her head back over the back of the chair, and covered her eyes wiht her hands. Maybe she and Adam should just run off to Vegas...  
  
"It's by Adam Rove, isn't it?" Luke continued. "See, I had a premonition, way back when I saw that pregnancy test and thought it was yours and I even talked to Adam about it and made a complete idiot out of myself, but I was right, I saw it coming, it was a scientific notion, I'm telling you-"  
  
"Shut up, Luke!" Kevin and Joan yelled in unison.  
  
Luke nodded, and closed his mouth. But not for long.  
  
"That's why Grace ran out of here, right? You told her, didn't you?" he blurted.  
  
"She was just overwhelmed, that's all!" Joan insisted, hoping that her brother didn't know as much as she did...it would break his pitiful little virgin heart.  
  
"You're kidding...the fact that you're going to have a baby is in no way overwhelming, Sis. And I'm sure Mom and Dad will be the first to agree with me," Luke said sarcastically.  
  
"Luke, shut up. She's dealing with enough as it is...we should be the ones helping her out," Kevin seethed.  
  
Joan was surprised by how supportive Kevin was being. Surprised, but grateful. Now if only she could convince him to tell their parents for her...  
  
Luke paused, startled by Kevin's reprimand.  
  
"You're right," Luke said. "Joan, I'm sorry. If you need anything, you know..."  
  
"I know. Thank you guys, a lot. It's too bad this is going to be our last night together, considering that Mom and Dad will probably lynch me when I tell them."  
  
"Not exactly."  
  
Their three heads snapped simulataneously to the living room doorway. There stood Helen and Will, looking completely aghast.  
  
A/N – Sorry about the cliffie, couldn't help myself. =) Reviews, please and thank you! =) 


	8. Wrongly Accused Antagonist

A/N - Surprise - I updated earlier! But don't get used to it, busy week coming up.   
  
Innogen - Well, I must say, that's the closest review I've had to a flame...I'm sorry you don't like my style, but my story *is* prewritten, and that's why my chapters, or "snippets", are so short. I don't have a ton of time to write during the week, so I try to sort of "ration" out what I *do* write. Otherwise, you'd get a long chapter every month! Also, I write like a TV show...action, then a commercial that makes you want to come back and watch again, as opposed to a three-hour epic movie, where your attention drifts and you get bored. Some people like it, and some people don't. But it's the way I write. I hope it's not enough to turn you off of my story. BTW, apology accepted, no worries. =) I tried to end this not on a cliffhanger, just for you.   
  
AL - Thanks for all your great reviews and suggestions, all very helpful! Thanks for being peacemaker too, and for being a fan of my cliffies.   
  
HandsOff/Hannah - Wow, thanks for the nice review! I love your story too, and btw, I say "flipping" all the time! Weird! LOL. =)  
  
Thanks to everyone else who reviewed this chapter! Your input really does help my writing. =) I tried my hardest to make Will and Helen's reactions believable, sorry if they're OOC.   
  
"You're home early!" Kevin chimed with feigned excitement.  
  
"I think we got here just in time," Helen said in disbelief.   
  
Will was immobile and mute, his lips slightly parted as he stared at Joan in awe.  
  
"So, um, how much did ya hear?" Luke said, feigning casualty as much with as much vigor as his brother.  
  
"Enough."  
  
Helen dropped her bags on the floor, and started over to the chair where Joan sat, her face a canvas of brutal dread. But before Helen could reach her, Joan burst into tears and fled up the staircase.   
  
Even as Joan lie on her bed, keening as though her life were over (which, from the look on her father's face, it very well might've been), she could hear her parents screaming at one another, as if each were trying to out-scream the other.   
  
"Dammit Helen, we taught her better than this! She knew damn well that she was supposed to be responsible if she was going to do anything with that boy, and instead, she ends up knocked up!"  
  
"Will, please, just calm down-"  
  
"I will NOT calm down! I won't have this Helen, I won't have this...this...stain on my family!"  
  
Silence.  
  
"Well, then you won't have to!"   
  
Joan heard quick, thundering footsteps up the stairs, and then her door burst open.  
  
"Joan, sweetie, come on."  
  
Helen spoke softly and moved deftly as she took a light jacket from her daughter's closet door, and then seated herself on the bed next to her.  
  
"Come on, honey," she soothed, pulling Joan, still crying, into an upright position, and draping the jacket over her shoulders.   
  
Helen took her daughter's arm and led her downstairs, and out the door, without saying a word. Kevin and Luke were left, stunned in the living room, while their father went off into the kitchen, stood in a corner, and started to cry.   
  
  
  
  
  
"Joan, honey, please stop crying and just talk to me," Helen pleaded, as tears of her own slipped down her cheeks.  
  
Joan stared out the car window into nothing. What did her mom expect her to say?  
  
"Mom, I'm so sorry. I really am, and I swear I didn't mean for this to happen!" Joan cried.  
  
Helen briefly closed her eyes.  
  
"Then why did it?" she asked plainly.  
  
Joan sighed heavily. She was still wondering herself. I'll get back to you on that, Mom, she thought.  
  
"Do you really think this is a good time for jokes?" Helen demanded, and Joan realized she'd spoken out loud.  
  
"Aren't you supposed to be hella pissed?" Joan asked, barely audible.  
  
"Oh, believe me, Joan Agnes Girardi, I am hella pissed, more than I can express right now. But being angry with you isn't going to change the fact that you're..." Helen's voice trailed off, and she bit her lip to contain a sob.  
  
"Dad hates me."  
  
"Your father does not hate you, Joan," Helen chided. "Don't turn this around and make it about him. Because if you think I'm going to feel sorry for you, then you're 'hella' wrong."  
  
"Oh, why would you feel sorry for me? I'm only scared to death about what's happening to me and what's going to happen to the rest of my life!" Joan exclaimed.   
  
With that, Joan folded her arms protectively over her abdomen, over the tiny child that had caused all of this, and stared, focused, out the window as she cried her thousandth tear. Helen was silent beside her, knowing that her daughter had a point, but too furious and heartbroken to admit it.   
  
Helen pulled into the parking lot of the town's Super 8, and got out of the car. Joan, perturbed, hastily followed.  
  
After Helen had checked in at the front desk, she and Joan went to their room, and sat on the beds.  
  
"Okay, Joan," Helen began. "Like I said before, I'm very much upset with you. But the first thing we need to do is take you to the doctor and make sure."  
  
"Ew," Joan remarked.   
  
"Hon, if you think that's gross, you'd better brace yourself," Helen said, stifling a laugh.   
  
"Mom, I really am sorry," Joan said, tracing one of the flowers on the bedspread.  
  
Helen sighed.  
  
"I don't think you realize how much harder this is going to make your life. You're going to have a hell of a time now, Joan. I'm not saying I won't help you, because I understand that you're human and make mistakes. But this is about one of the worst mistakes you could've made."  
  
"At least I'm not dead," Joan whispered.  
  
"What?"   
  
"I said, there are worse things in life than life, Mom. How do you think Adam and his dad felt about his mom? How do you think Mrs. Tardio feels? She lost her child. You've still got me," Joan said.  
  
"You're not a child anymore now, Joan. You're an adult. And you're going to have to start acting like one. And don't try that guilt trip on me, because you know I love you and I always will."  
  
"At least you do," Joan said softly.  
  
"Your father...handles things differently. And I'm sure he'll come through that door any minute," Helen assured.  
  
But forty-four minutes and one long conversation later, there was still no sign of Will.  
  
"He hasn't even called yet, Mom," Joan said solemnly.  
  
Helen blanched, and smiled wistfully.  
  
"Sweetheart, he probably doesn't even know where we are yet."  
  
Joan rolled her eyes.  
  
"Mother, we're at a hotel fifteen minutes away. And besides, Dad's a cop, he could've found us in two seconds if he felt like it."  
  
Helen leaned over and hugged her daughter. She couldn't believe that this little girl she held in her arms was going to have a baby of her own.  
  
"God, Joan," Helen breathed, her eyes growing teary. "I just can't believe that my baby is a sexual being."  
  
"Aw, Mom! Ew!" Joan squealed, pulling away from her.   
  
Helen marveled at how teenage-ish Joan was, which made the fact that she was with child all the less believable.   
  
Helen got up and started pacing, as Joan leaned back on the bed and rested her hands on her stomach.   
  
"Mom?"  
  
"Yes?"  
  
"Thanks."  
  
Just then, there was a knock at the door. Helen turned away from the window just as Joan sat up on the bed. They looked at one another, and then Helen answered the door. Much to her surprise (but not to Joan's), it was not Will.  
  
"Hey," Luke said, as he and Kevin entered the room.  
  
"What are you doing here?" Joan asked. "Where's Dad?"  
  
"He's-" Luke began.  
  
"We talked," Kevin interrupted. "He just...needs a little more time."  
  
"You left him alone?!" Joan exclaimed. "Oh my God, I've got to warn Adam-"  
  
"Relax, sub defective," Luke said, setting down the bags he'd brought in with him. "Here."  
  
He handed Joan a pair of pajamas, and she smiled gratefully.   
  
"We thought you guys would probably be hungry," Kevin said, handing Helen a bag of sandwiches, crackers, and apple slices.  
  
"That's so sweet, honey," Helen said, ruffling Kevin's hair and kissing Luke on the cheek.  
  
By the time Helen and Joan had finished eating, it was nearly four a.m., and the four of them collapsed onto the beds and fell asleep. But only Kevin and Luke really slept...Helen was awake, trying to mute her cries with the thin foam pillow so as not to wake Joan. But Joan lay beside her, back to back, just as awake, and all too aware that her mother was crying. Joan cried too, as she pictured her father, alone and angry in their dark house, being treated like the bad guy when all of this was Joan's fault. 


	9. Admissions

A/N ~ Yay! Finally! I updated! Hope you all are as enthused as I am! I feel like this story is kinda dragging a little,  
  
so it'll probably fast forward a little pretty soon here. I hope you like this chapter, please please review! Thanks! =)  
  
"Oh my God," Joan moaned. "I can't believe I have to do THAT for the next eight months."  
  
Helen smirked, taking satisfaction in her daughter's annoyance. She was going to learn quickly that having a baby is much more complicated that she could ever dream.  
  
"Well, the doctor said you and the baby are both healthy," Helen said.  
  
"Unfortunately for you, right?" Joan scoffed.  
  
"That's not fair," Helen insisted. "I'm not happy about this baby, Joan, but it's my grandchild, not to mention you're my daughter, and I love you both."  
  
Joan looked at her mom, who sat behind the steering wheel, and smiled appreciatively.   
  
"Where are you going, Mom?" Joan asked as her mother turned down their street. "Aren't we going back to the hotel?"  
  
Helen shook her head.  
  
"No, we're going home. That's the best place for you right now," she said calmly.  
  
"What!? No it's not! Dad hates me!" Joan shrieked.  
  
"Your father does not hate you! How many times do I have to say it? He just needed some time to let it sink it. Everything will be fine, you'll see."  
  
Helen parked in the driveway, and headed to the door. She realized that Joan was not following, and looked back to see her in the passenger seat, her arms folded over her chest, scowling.   
  
"Joan, gr-"  
  
She stopped. She was about to say "grow up", but she decided against it, knowing that Joan was already doing that way too fast. Instead, she continued into the house, aware that Joan was going to have to start acting like it on her own.  
  
Finally, Joan slunk into the house, grateful that her father was still at work. She went to her room, and she had no sooner sat down on her bed than did the phone ring.  
  
"Hello?" she said, grabbing the cordless receiver.  
  
"Hey."  
  
"Adam, hi, listen-"  
  
"I told my dad."  
  
"You what?!" Joan exclaimed.  
  
"I'm so sorry, Jane, but I had to," Adam explained.   
  
"Well, what happened?" Joan asked.  
  
"He was about to sell some of my mother's things," Adam said softly. "You know, to pay for art college for me next year? I couldn't let him do it, Jane. I had to tell him that I'm not going to college...I had to tell him why."  
  
Joan felt her heart sink -- art college. She hadn't even considered that Adam wouldn't be going to college now, or herself, for that matter. She didn't care, she had never been that interested in going to college anyway. She sure as heck didn't have her heart set on it like Adam did.   
  
"Adam, I'm sorry you had to do that," she said quietly. "How did he take it?"  
  
"It was weird, yo. He just seemed kind of...spaced out. Sad, almost. Disappointed."   
  
"I have to tell you something," Joan said.  
  
"Cha?" Adam asked tenatively, remembering the last time Joan had told him something.  
  
"I told my parents too."  
  
"What!? Jane, I thought we were going to tell them together!"  
  
"We were, but they came home early, when I was talking to Kevin and Luke, and they overheard everything," Joan said.  
  
  
  
"So know your dad and your brothers know? Man, I'm dead..." Adam muttered. "Did they take it as bad as you thought they would?"  
  
"My dad did," Joan admitted. "But my mom and Kevin and Luke are all being pretty cool about it, actually."  
  
"Unchallenged."  
  
Joan continued to tell Adam about the details of the previous night, and about her doctor's visit. She was due on March 16, it seemed so far away. It was only July.   
  
Joan and Adam sighed on the opposite ends of the line.  
  
"Do you want to come over?" Adam asked.  
  
Joan did want to, but she knew there was someplace else she had to go first.  
  
"I really do, Adam," she said.  
  
"But?"  
  
"I have to talk to Grace first," she concluded.  
  
"You told her?"  
  
"Yeah," Joan responded dismally.  
  
"What did she say?"   
  
"Not much, really," Joan. "That's why I'm going to talk to her."  
  
  
  
"Want me to come with?"  
  
"No!" Joan blurted too suddenly. "I mean, I think it would be better if I talked to her one on one, you know?"  
  
"Okay," Adam said sadly. "But I really miss you. Both of you."  
  
"Oh, that reminds me!" Joan exclaimed. "I have something to show you. I'll come to your house after I go to Grace's, okay?"  
  
"Cha," Adam said, brightening. "Can't wait."  
  
They said their I love you's and goodbyes, and Joan went downstairs.  
  
"Mom?" she asked.  
  
"What is it, Joan?" Helen asked, tossing a salad. She was making a special dinner for Will.   
  
"I'm going to Grace's for awhile, okay? I just don't want to be here when Dad gets home," she said.  
  
"Sweetie, you're going to have to face him sooner or later," Helen said, turning away from the salad bowl.  
  
"I think it's him that doesn't want to face me," Joan sighed, and headed out the door.  
  
  
  
"What did I tell you about coming to my house?"  
  
Grace looked less than thrilled to find Joan on the other side of her door.  
  
"Well, hey to you, too, Grace," Joan said sarcastically.  
  
"Come to collect on your congratulations?" Grace smirked.  
  
"No, it's just that you rushed off so fast-"  
  
"What did you expect me to do? Burst into tears and hug you?"   
  
"Actually, you did do that," Joan pointed out.  
  
Grace set her jaw in annoyance.   
  
"We need to talk," Joan said seriously.  
  
Grace sighed, and walked out onto the porch.   
  
"What, having twins or something?" Grace muttered.  
  
"Why is this bothering you so much?" Joan blurted finally as the two sat on the steps.  
  
"As if you and Rove were lovey-dovey enough already, now you get to stroll down the street with your baby in it's pram!" Grace mocked, rolling her eyes.  
  
"Pram?"   
  
"Shut up."  
  
Joan paused, trying to plot out a strategy. Then she just said it.  
  
"Grace, are you in love with Adam?"  
  
Grace didn't look at Joan - she kept her head down.  
  
"Grace?"  
  
"What are you talking about, Girardi? I mean, where the hell did that come from?"  
  
Grace seemed slightly panicked, and pissed at the same time.  
  
"You got so upset when I told you I was pregnant! What was I supposed to think?" Joan exclaimed.  
  
"I don't know!"   
  
"Well, maybe I thought-" Joan began.  
  
"No," Grace interrupted. "I meant, I don't know if I'm in love with Adam."  
  
Adam. She'd called him Adam. Not Rove. Whoa.  
  
Joan swallowed, her throat suddenly dry, and tried to think of something to say to that.  
  
"It's just that we've known each other forever, you know? We know everything about each other. Well, almost everything...but, we only had each other for so long, I just got used to it being the two of us. I thought that's how it would always be. That we'd just never have anyone else and end up together by default. And then you came along," Grace rambled.  
  
"I-I..." Joan mumbled incoherently.  
  
"And I'm glad, Girardi, don't get me wrong. I mean, you're a great friend and all, but then when you and Adam coupled, I just got jealous. You know, he got somebody and I didn't."  
  
"What about Luke?"   
  
"Luke will find some science-geek soulmate before I know it. He only wants me because I'm all he thinks he can get," Grace said.  
  
"That's not true and you know it," Joan said defensively. "You're just using that as a way out, because you're only with Luke because you can't be with Adam."  
  
"Can't be, because of you!" Grace shouted, her gruff voice straining to keep intact. "Especially now! Rove was stupid enough about you before, but now that you're pregnant, you'll probably run off and get married and have a picket fence life and I'll stay here and never have anyone!"  
  
Joan's eyes glistened with tears as she gaped at Grace, who now paced on the sidewalk that led to her porch.  
  
"Grace," Joan began.  
  
"Joan, I really can't afford to upset you right now, I'm sorry. Please, just go, okay? If I make anymore of an ass out of myself tonight, I'll have to charge you. Please," Grace said.  
  
"Okay,fine," Joan said with a choked voice. She stood up and walked to her car. She wasn't sure what this terrible feeling the the pit of her stomach was: the baby, knowing that Grace really did have feelings for Adam, or feeling guilty because of it.  
  
  
  
  
  
A/N - You know, it's the strangest thing...I am able to write so much better after reading reviews. Huh. =) 


	10. Either Way

A/N ~ Here's a short filler chapter, just in case I don't have time to update very quickly. It seems like I haven't gotten as many reviews as usual, which is further evidence that my story is geting snoozeworthy....(NO!). Truth be told, I'm not so sure where I'm going with it as of now...I hope I'm not coming down with a case of writer's block! Anyway, please please please review, let me know what you think, or if you have any suggestions of what I should do. Thanks! =)   
  
"Hey, how'd it go with Grace?" Adam asked, opening the door for Joan. He pulled her into his arms, and smoothed her hair away from her eyes.  
  
Joan sighed.  
  
"I think maybe it would be better if you talked to her," she said.  
  
Adam knitted his brows.  
  
"Me? Why, yo?"   
  
Joan shrugged.  
  
"Talking to me certainly wasn't ultra-effective," she replied.  
  
"All right then," Adam said, dropping onto the sofa. "I'll talk to her."  
  
Joan plopped down beside him.  
  
"Whoa, Jane, be careful!" Adam exclaimed, putting a hand protectively over Joan's stomach.  
  
"Oh, that reminds me," Joan said. She reached into her purse, and pulled out a thin photograph.  
  
"What's that?" Adam asked, taking it out of her hand.  
  
"It's a sonogram, yo," Joan answered, smiling.  
  
Adam's eyes widened, and studied the sonogram more closely.  
  
"That's our baby?" he asked, pointing to the garbled image.  
  
Joan's stomach churned, and she nodded.  
  
"Whoa...is it a boy or a girl?" Adam asked.  
  
Joan laughed.  
  
"It's way too early to tell," she said.  
  
Adam squinted at the picture, and shook his head.  
  
"What do you want?" he asked.   
  
"Hm?" Joan mumbled. Her thoughts had drifted.  
  
"I said, 'what do you want'?" Adam repeated.  
  
To erase time, Joan thought. To not be pregnant right now.   
  
"A boy or a girl, you mean? I don't care," she responded.  
  
She saw Adam's face fall slightly.  
  
"I mean, I don't mind. It doesn't matter if it's a boy or a girl," she said.  
  
"You'll still love it," Adam finished.  
  
Joan felt tears prick her eyes as she wondered if she would love it either way.  
  
"So, thought of any baby names yet?" Kevin asked as he bent down and tied one of his basketball shoes.  
  
"Shut up, Kevin," Joan snarled from her seat at the kitchen table.  
  
"Holy hormones, Joan, chill out!" Kevin replied, holding his hands up in defense. "Just asking."  
  
"Kevin, leave her alone," Helen said. "Joan, did you take your vitamins?"  
  
Joan rolled her eyes.  
  
"Mom, yes, I took the vitamins. Oh, and by the way, I'm having a baby, I'm not one myself anymore."  
  
"Don't get mouthy with me, Joan. Pregnant or not, I can still ground you," Helen advised.  
  
"Why? It's not like she could do any more damage," Luke joked, coming into the kitchen.  
  
"Don't you have lawns to mow, you freak?" Joan groaned.  
  
Luke grinned, and slathered his nose with white sunblock. He'd taken up the cliche summer gig to earn some extra money to send himself to space camp next month.  
  
Kevin and Luke went their separate ways, leaving Helen and Joan in the kitchen together.  
  
"What about your job, sweetie? Don't you have to work at the bookstore today?"  
  
"I'm on maternity leave?" Joan suggested.  
  
Joan put a hand on her hip, and pointed a finger at the door.  
  
"Go."  
  
"Mom-"  
  
"Joan, you're going to have to have extra money now, you've got to buy stuff for this baby! Now get your butt to work!"  
  
  
  
On her way to the bookstore, Joan wondered what it was going to be like when the kids at school found out about her. She'd have to walk around all pregnant...the thought made her cringe. Maybe her mom would let her do homeschool. Joan could hear her mother's voice in her head:  
  
"You were the one who got pregnant. In the real world, you've got to balance things out, honey."  
  
Or not.  
  
  
  
Joan had stood behind the counter at the bookstore for three boring hours when finally the bell above the door jingled.   
  
"Joan!"   
  
It was Grace.  
  
"Grace, what are you doing in a bookstore?" Joan asked.  
  
"I kissed Adam!"  
  
  
  
A/N ~ Dun-dun-DUN! LOL. =) 


	11. More or Less To Love

A/N - I thought that since I was evil and left you hanging that I'd update sooner. I'm just in an updating sort of mood. Hopefully I'll be in a writing sort of mood later! And I hope all of YOU are in REVIEWING moods!!!! =)   
  
Joan dropped the inkpen she'd been chewing on, and Grace would've laughed at Joan's blue-smeared lips if she hadn't just confessed to kissing her baby's father. Joan closed her eyes, absorbing the impact of Grace's admission.  
  
"What?" she asked, confused.  
  
"I kissed him-" Grace repeated, shaking her head slightly.   
  
"Grace! How could you do that?!" Joan interrupted flamboyantly. "Oh my God! We're having a baby together and you just decide, 'Oh, I like Adam, I think I'll just seduce-'"  
  
"He's all yours, Girardi," Grace continued, furrowing her brown and frowning.  
  
"What?" Joan asked, in the exact same tone she'd used the first time she'd asked the question.  
  
"It was horrifying," Grace replied. "Like...kissing...Mr. Price."  
  
"You kissed Mr. Price?!" Joan exclaimed.  
  
Grace shrugged.  
  
"Yeah, once," she said. "It wasn't a big deal."  
  
"Why?" Joan asked, aghast.  
  
"Turns out he likes my political conviction," Grace said nonchalantly.  
  
"Ew," Joan said. "That's disgusting."  
  
"So was kissing Rove," Grace insisted. "I honestly don't how you do it, let alone-"  
  
"That's enough!" Joan pleaded, holding out her hands for Grace to stop. "It's not gross for me. Then again, I haven't taken baths with him since I was three years old."  
  
"Funny I didn't realize it before," Grace mused. "I should've recognized that I love Rove like my brother, not like yours."  
  
Joan paused.  
  
"What do you mean, like mine? You mean Luke?"   
  
Grace took a breath, and studied the rafters.  
  
"Kissing someone else's boyfriend puts a lot of things in perspective, Joan," she said. "Maybe you should try it sometime."  
  
With that, Grace smiled sweetly at Joan, saluted, and exited the bookstore.   
  
Joan stood behind the counter, her mind still reeling. She plunked down onto the stool.   
  
"Grace kissed Mr. Price?" she said out loud, in disbelief. "And I thought O.B. doctor visits were gag-inducing."  
  
After work, Joan went to Adam's house. She had to hear this kissing story from his point of view.  
  
"It was crazy, yo," Adam said, handing Joan a glass of water as the two sat in his kitchen. "We were talking, and she just, leaned over and laid one on me!"  
  
Joan couldn't help but laugh.   
  
"What was it like?" she asked.  
  
"Weird."  
  
Like kissing Mr. Price, Joan thought, grinning.  
  
"You mean you're not in love with Grace now?" Joan asked tauntingly.  
  
"Mmm...no," Adam replied.  
  
"Good," Joan said. "'Cause she's not in love with you, either."  
  
Adam leaned over the table and kissed Joan.  
  
"You're glowing, Jane," he said.   
  
"It's July, Adam. It's eighty degrees. Everyone is glowing."  
  
"I hadn't noticed anyone else," Adam said sincerely.  
  
Just then, the front door opened, and Carl came in, holding bags of groceries.  
  
"Hi, Dad," Adam said casually.  
  
Joan was frozen in her chair. She hadn't seen Carl since Adam had told him.  
  
"Hey there, Adam. Joan. You kids wanna help me with these bags?" Carl said.  
  
Adam got up, but Joan didn't move. She was still paralyzed in mortification.  
  
"Jane?" Adam asked.  
  
"Yeah, sure," Joan said, snapping out of it. She felt herself blush as she took a bag from Adam's dad.  
  
"So, Joan," Carl said. "Stay for dinner. I'm making fish...isn't that supposed to be good for the baby?"  
  
Joan set the bag down, surprised. He was sneering. He wasn't snarling. He wasn't angry at all. And he wasn't looking at her like she was trash.   
  
"I think so," she replied. "Thank you."  
  
Carl grinned. "Gotta take good care of that kid. Elizabeth always wanted grandchildren."  
  
Adam paused midway through taking a carton of eggs from a bag. Carl noticed, and clapped him on the shoulder.  
  
"She would've been happy for you, son," he said. "Wouldn't have mattered to her that you're only sixteen. That was your mom for you."  
  
"Does it matter to you?" Joan asked quietly.  
  
Carl looked thoughtful for a moment.  
  
"What matters to me is that you're both safe, and that I'm going to have one more person in this world to love," he said.  
  
Joan nodded, but she was thinking that now, her dad had one less.  
  
A/N - Well, I wasn't sure where to go with the Grace/Adam conflict, so I wrote it out. I am really confused with where to take this story, just not sure. Don't worry, I swear I won't abandon it, as long as you keep reviewing! If Carl is OOC, can't blame me, he's never on the show, LOL! And that whole thing about Grace and Price? Don't ask me where that came from. I just have to have constant scandal I guess. Did you like this chappie? Please. please. please review!!! =) Thanks! 


	12. So Much

A/N - Yes, I know, it's been a long time! I'm sorry! Like I said, I am trying to figure out where to take this story. I am trying something out, but I am not sure if I'll like it or not, or if you will! So just be kinda patient with me, and I am totally open to suggestions! Maybe some reviews would help me get on track! Thanks, and enjoy the chapter! =) PS - I fast-forwarded a few months.   
  
October  
  
Joan rushed wearily back to the counter of the bookstore as she heard the little door bell jingle. She collapsed against it, as she noticed Goth Boy God perusing the shelves. He saw that she had returned, and He approached the counter.  
  
"Hello, Joan," He said, sounding much too cheerful for a deity with that much black eyeliner.  
  
Joan bit into a Saltine and grinned sardonically.  
  
"Sorry about the wait. I was in the throes of another 'consequence'."   
  
Joan had had terrible morning sickness ever since her second month had begun. She thought God was having too much fun teaching her a lesson.  
  
God grinned.  
  
"It's been awhile. So, how's it going?" He asked.  
  
Joan sighed. Holy small talk?  
  
"Well, I've spent the past four months of my life puking my guts out and enduring the silent treatment from my dad, plus, kids at school are starting to notice. The ones who didn't already know, that is, which is like, maybe Amy Anders, the deaf girl, and the transfer student."  
  
Joan feigned a pleased smile.  
  
"Your dad still isn't talking to you?" God pressed.  
  
"Oh, like You didn't know that," Joan scoffed. "And I get a tight-lipped smile or an occasional head-nod, if it's a good day. But words, mmm, not so much. Mom doesn't even do anything. She tells me she tries to talk to him, but I know he'd listen to her if she had. He hates me, plain and simple."  
  
"Joan, he's your dad. And much like Me, he loves you matter how many stupid mistakes you make. He's got pride, though. Your dad's pretty stubborn," God replied.  
  
"Yeah, thanks for making him that way," Joan said.  
  
God shrugged, palms up.  
  
"I know you don't want to hear this, Joan, but just keep on giving him his time and his space. He'l come around eventually. Maybe it'll happen tomorrow, maybe it'll take seeing the face of his grandchild. Who knows?"  
  
"You do," Joan shot back.  
  
God smiled.  
  
"Yeah, I know. No pregnancy perks," Joan sighed.  
  
"I don't know...I've pretty much given you your entire pregnancy off," God responded.  
  
Joan shifted her weight, and smoothed her tee shirt over her ever-so-slightly-swollen belly.  
  
"So you're saying that after I have this baby, you're going to give me more missions? As if a baby isn't enough to handle?"  
  
"You can do it. I know," God said, handing her back the words. "And as for school, try talking to your Mom about it. She's there everyday, maybe she can give you some peace of mind."   
  
  
  
That evening, when Joan walked into her house, her mother was in the kitchen, going over some papers from class. Her dad was in the living room watching the news, Kevin was out with Rebecca, and Luke was upstairs on his computer.  
  
"Hey honey, how was work?" Helen asked, not glancing up from her papers.  
  
Joan sighed and dropped the car keys on the counter.  
  
"Heavenly," she said sarcastically.  
  
"That's nice. You missed dinner, but I left you a plate in the fridge," Helen continued as she leafed through the pages.  
  
Joan made a face. The thought of eating made her cringe.  
  
"I think I'm just going to go to my room and study," she replied. "Speaking of, Mom, when do I get to leave school?"  
  
Helen looked up this time.  
  
"When you graduate," she said sternly, suspiciously.  
  
"But Mom, people are starting to talk-"  
  
"Well Joan, what did you expect? Suck it up, it's not like you're the first pregnant girl ever at Arcadia. What about that cheerleader? I forget her name...Oh, and this girl, Avery, she's in my first period art class. She's due about a month before you."  
  
Joan's jaw dropped.  
  
"You've been talking to a pregnant girl about me?! And you never bothered to tell me about it?! Mother, I cannot believe this!"  
  
Helen held her hands up defensively.  
  
"Sweetheart, you said people already knew! She was coming in late in the mornings, and she finally confided in me, and I felt I had to give her something back-"  
  
"It wasn't yours to give!" Joan cried. "I'm not some sad story you can use to make other people feel better!"  
  
"Well, Joan, for your information, it didn't make her feel better! Avery's boyfriend left her when he found out! After offering to pay for an abortion, that is. So maybe you should consider yourself lucky!"  
  
Helen dropped her glasses on the stack of papers and stalked out of the kitchen.  
  
Joan sank into a chair. He offered to pay for an abortion? If Adam had done that to me, she thought, I'd...I don't know. That's the saddest thing I've ever heard. She found her hands resting on her belly again.  
  
"Well, Baby, I guess we are pretty lucky, huh?"  
  
Joan never thought she'd utter the word 'lucky' during her pregnancy...at least not in self-reference. And yet, here she was. She leaned forward in her seat, and looked out into the living room. Her father, glassy-eyed, remained in front of the television. His expression hadn't changed. 


	13. When One Door Opens, So Does Another

A/N - I'm so terrible! I haven't updated in awhile, and this is a short chapter. Feel free to slap me on the wrist! I will update again hopefully by Wednesday. So I was hoping I could come up with some major plot twist, so that this story would be an actual story with the climax and conclusion and everything, but it's not looking like it will be. Probably just cute and simple from here on out. I know, it's sort of disappointing, and I apologize...but I don't want to just abandon the fic. If you've got suggestions for a twist or anything, please let me know! Thanks for sticking with this dwindling story!!! =)  
  
He held his breath as he crept across the floor into her room. The light spilled in from the hallway through her slightly ajar door, which he'd left open behind him, illuminating her sleeping figure. Her hair was fanned out across the pillow, and one arm was lying across it, bent over her head, as if she were a ballerina. The other arm was drawn over her ribs. Her blanket had slid off onto the floor. He studied her for a moment, feeling saddened and blessed by her childlike beauty. His gaze fell on her stomach. Her old tee-shirt no longer covered it, and it curved out from under it just enough for anyone suspicious to verify that she was with child. A tear rolled down his cheek. He sighed quietly, hoping he wouldn't wake her, and retreated.  
  
The next morning, when Joan awoke, she noticed something sitting on her chair. She slowly rose from her bed, and went over to see what it was. It was one of her dad's old tee-shirts, the one from his police academy days, that Joan had always liked as a little girl. He never wore it anymore. As Joan picked it up, a note fluttered down from it. She squatted (the doctor had said bending was bad for the baby), and retrieved it. It said:  
  
I thought the two of you could use this to keep warm at night. Seems you've outgrown yours. You're not a little girl anymore. I'm sorry I've been so awful, please keep understanding, and know that I love you.  
  
-Dad  
  
Joan trudged into school, head down, her hair falling in her face.   
  
"Hey Jane," Adam said, taking her hand as she approached his locker. Grace leaned on the neighboring locker, sneering at anyone who stared at Joan and snickered.  
  
"Hi," Joan said meekly, hoping her stomach would allow her to make it through English Literature free of interruption.   
  
The bell rang, and Grace and Adam headed off to their first class, Trig. Joan ambled off to her classroom. As she walked down the hall, she noticed a pretty blonde girl at the drinking fountain.   
  
"Hi Joan," the girl said brightly, leaning up and wiping her lips with the back of her hand.   
  
"So am I supposed to make friends with this Avery girl, or what?" she asked impatiently.  
  
The girl frowned in confusion.  
  
"Supposed to make friends with me?" she asked. "Um, no...I just...your Mom told me about you, I hope you don't mind..."  
  
Joan's cheeks flushed with embarrassment, as she realized she had mistook the real Avery for God. Her shame promptly shifted to annoyance.  
  
"Actually, I sort of do. Mind, I mean. It wasn't her place to talk about me," Joan said, shrugging with false apathy.  
  
The girl smiled faintly.  
  
"I know, I'm sorry. It's pretty much my fault, though. Your mom was asking me if everything was all right, and I just gave her this whole sob story. She probably felt obligated to tell me about you. But I'd never tell anybody."  
  
"Everybody already knows," Joan scoffed.  
  
"I didn't," Avery pointed out.  
  
Joan shot a glance at the clock on the wall.  
  
"Look," she said. "I'm going to be late for class, so-"  
  
"Hey," Avery interrupted, almost urgently. "Um, maybe you wanna hang out sometime? I mean, it'd be great to have someone to talk to who actually knows, you know?"  
  
Joan considered this, and decided Avery was right.  
  
"Okay, sure," she answered.  
  
Avery's face lit up. "Great," she replied. "Let's talk during lunch, okay?"  
  
Joan nodded, and the girls split. Joan was hoping Lunch Lady God would be serving the mashed potatoes today. 


	14. WaitWho?

A/N - Aaah...I just need to purge the rest of this story out of my system! It's not coming easily, I must admit...but I'm updating a little to remind you that I'm not rolling over and giving up. Though it is tempting...For some crazy reason, I feel the need to end this story with an "everything happens for a reason" kind of theme. So we'll see what happens. As always, suggestions are welcome and appreciated, as are reviews! Thanks to the following for reviewing the last chap: HandsOff, Jesusrocks, Jane and Adam, spikes-storm, AL, Celestial Aurora, and especially lemontwist291 (long review!!!).  
  
Much to Joan's dismay, the lunch lady had been just that - a lunch lady. No omniscience whatsoever - she couldn't seem to even understand the words "No thank you," which Joan had semi-urgently uttered right before Lunch Lady had plopped a grayish mound of potatoes on her tray. Joan felt her stomach sloshing, and she hoped she wouldn't throw up. She searched the lunchroom, and found Avery sitting all by herself.  
  
"Hey," Joan said awkwardly, seating herself across from Avery.  
  
"Oh, hi," Avery replied, beaming. She seemed so happy just to have someone to sit with.  
  
Joan returned the smile, and slid her tray away in disgust.  
  
"Here," Avery said, handing Joan a packet of crackers. "I always bring some with me, just in case."  
  
"Thanks," Joan said, accepting the crackers. She conciously wondered if people were staring and thinking, "Ah, so now we have a pregnant girls' table?"  
  
They didn't really talk much, just sought solace in one another's company, and simply knowing that somebody finally understood. But Avery was so...sad. Joan felt the desire to befriend her, whether it was what God intended her to do or not. She invited her over to her house the next night, since her parents would be out at some special banquet for Kevin's newspaper staff.   
  
  
  
The two girls settled on Joan's couch, each leaning against an end with their snack of choice - ketchup and butter finger sandwiches. Avery seemed thrilled to be in Joan's company, but the looming sadness clung to her like static.   
  
"So," Joan began."What's your due date?"  
  
Avery chewed a bite of sandwich thoughtfully.   
  
"February 10th," she replied. "I'm beating you."  
  
She grinned and chuckled slightly.  
  
"Good," Joan said. "That way you can tell me what it's like."  
  
Avery's eyes darkened.  
  
"Well," she said. "It's going to be pretty different for you than it is for me."  
  
Joan frowned.  
  
"What do you mean?"  
  
Avery slid her empty plate onto the coffee table, and drew her legs up in front of her round tummy.  
  
"Because you'll have Adam there with you," Avery replied. "I won't have anybody."  
  
Joan felt her eyes sting with tears. How could any guy want to leave Avery like that? She was so nice, and, as far as guys' minds operate, she was very pretty. If Adam would stay with Joan, why wouldn't whoever this guy was stay with Avery? Joan heard the answer echo through the back of her mind: Because Adam loves you.  
  
"Who is he?"   
  
Joan didn't mean to ask it - it just popped out. She felt stupid, and flushed with embarrassment.  
  
Avery was quiet a moment.  
  
"I'm sorry, it's none of my business," Joan insisted.   
  
"He'd probably kill me if I told anyone," Avery said. "Our seeing each other, it was kind of a secret. He said it would be better that way, too much publicity is bad for romance, or something dumb like that. I mean, he'd totally blow me off in school, but when we were alone together, he made me feel like the most special person...I can't believe I was so stupid."  
  
Joan was dying to know who it was. She held her breath, wondering if Avery would stop there.  
  
"Avery, who would do something like that to you?" she asked finally.  
  
Avery's glistening eyes stared off into the distance. She sighed.  
  
"Matthew Friedman."  
  
A/N - Had to throw in a twist, that's the best I had! I was a heartbeat away from making it Kevin...but that would've been a tad too unbelievable, yes? 


	15. Hopelessly Helpless

A/N - Okay, real quick, I just wanted to finish up the scene between Avery and Joan. I know it was a bad cliffie, so this doesn't end on one. I'll try to write more soon. My muse has gone AWOL. :S  
  
  
  
Joan was feeling sick again. Friedman? Matthew Friedman? Matthew-Make-Love-To-Science-And-Scully Friedman? Ew. Ew. Ew. Ew. How could anyone, let alone someone as beautiful as Avery, ever sleep - EW.  
  
"Joan? Are you all right?" Avery asked.  
  
Joan, wide-eyed, nodded vigorously.  
  
"Yeah, I'm peachy," she replied. "I'm not the one who had sex with Matthew Friedman!"  
  
Avery's cheeks flushed, and she played with the ends of her cornsilk hair.  
  
"Don't tell anybody," she said quietly.   
  
"Oh, don't worry. I can totally see why you wouldn't want anyone to know it's his!" Joan said.  
  
Avery looked up, confused.  
  
"It's not me," she said. "He's the one who doesn't want anyone to know. I just don't get it - he was so sweet to me when we were alone. But once we got back in school, I didn't exist. It's like...he was...ashamed of me."  
  
Joan's lip curled into an offended sneer.  
  
"Honey, if anyone should be ashamed, it's you. I have no idea what you see in Matthew Friedman."  
  
Avery smiled dismally.  
  
"He's more than just this sci-fi geek, Joan, really. I mean, he's really romantic. He used to give me back rubs all the time, and he'd leave flowers on my doorstep every Saturday morning. We were so happy...and then this happened," Avery scoffed, gesturing to her stretched belly. "Then everything fell apart. He freaked out, said his mom would kill him, and that we couldn't be together anymore. That's when he offered to pay for an...abortion, and I just told him to go to hell."  
  
Joan's heart throbbed. Poor Avery. Poor Avery's baby.   
  
"But I miss him," Avery croaked, her voice breaking. "I really do. I just wish things could be the way they were before."  
  
Avery dissolved into tears, and Joan helplessly hugged her. The two girls fit together awkwardly, their inflated bellies pressing against each other. As Joan rocked Avery, she closed her eyes and sent a vehement prayer to God, wherever He happened to be...Thank You for Adam...Thank You for Adam...Thank You for Adam...  
  
A/N - Aaarrgghhh!!! I am so sorry that was so short! It's pathetic, I tell you! LOL...I'm really trying...this story is beginning to frustrate me. My inspiration will strike yet, I am sure of it! Reviews tend to help, though, *wink wink*! Thanks! =) 


	16. Fathers and Godmothers

A/N - Hey, look! Another little update! Yay for me! I'm in a baby sort of mood...Friday, in my child development class, our "flour babies" were born...so now I have a son, Jamison Joel, LOL...and then yesterday I went to a friend's baby shower (future inspiration?). My wheels are slowly beginning to turn again, so I am hoping to finish this fic before too long. Reviews are always helpful! Thanks! =) PS - There's a pinch of J/A fluff in this one.   
  
  
  
"Friedman?" Adam repeated. "That Friedman?"  
  
Joan nodded, and pulled her hair off her neck.   
  
"Here," she said, replacing her left foot in the tub and placing her right on the edge.   
  
Adam smiled, and began to rub her sudsy foot. She blew some bubbles at him.  
  
"Can you imagine? I can't believe he wouldn't want to hold an assembly to announce that he actually HAD a girlfriend," Joan said.  
  
"Yeah," Adam agreed. "Especially one as hot as Avery."  
  
Joan kicked a splash of warm water at him.  
  
"Hey! Just kidding, Jane!" he protested. "You know you're my sexy mama. Literally."  
  
Joan smiled. She was finally getting used to the idea of having a baby. If only her parents could warm up to it.  
  
"Hurry up in here," Adam said, kissing Joan's ruddy foot, and patting it. "I want to show you something."  
  
Adam stood up and left, placing Joan's soft robe next to the tub. She wrapped herself in it, and tossed her hair up into a claw clip. What could Adam possibly want to show her?  
  
"Come on, Jane, Baby," Adam said, taking Joan's hand as she stepped out into her bedroom.  
  
"Where are we going?" Joan demanded as Adam dragged her down the hall. "The junk room?" she asked, unimpressed, when Adam stopped in front of the door to the room the Girardi's had used for all the junk they'd collected. It was like a second attic.   
  
"Not anymore," Adam said, opening the door.   
  
Joan's breath caught in her throat. The junk room no longer contained junk . The walls were painted with a mural of a yellow boat floating on a green sea. A white crib stood in the center of the room, with an Adam-made mobile hanging over it.   
  
A rocking chair sat in one corner, and a changing table was in the other corner. It was simple, but it was obvious that it was a nursery.  
  
"Adam," Joan said, her voice wavering. "It's incredible."  
  
"It's not much," he said. "Your mom helped me paint. I hope you don't mind that we used my mom's letter as like, inspiration."  
  
"I love it," Joan said sincerely. "And I love you."   
  
Joan put her arms around Adam and kissed him passionately.   
  
"Since we don't know if it's a boy or a girl yet, I thought that this would be okay," Adam continued.  
  
"It's perfect. You're perfect."  
  
"What do you think?" Adam asked, placing a hand over Joan's belly.   
  
Joan smiled, and put her hand over Adam's. She thought of Avery -- Avery would never have this.  
  
  
  
"Well, I must say that this is a first," Grace said, looking around her, her mouth curved into an awkward grin.  
  
"Chill, Grace, it is for me, too," Joan said, resting her hands on her ever-growing belly. She was really starting to look pregnant.  
  
"So what exactly are we looking for?" Grace asked. "I thought Adam got you a crib and changing table and all that junk."  
  
"He did," Joan said, grabbing a shopping cart with Babies 'R' Us stamped across the handlebar. "But believe it or not, babies need more than cribs and changing tables."  
  
The two began wandered down the aisles.  
  
"Awww!" Grace squealed suddenly, making Joan jump.   
  
Joan looked over to find Grace admiring a plush deer, looking at it with her bottom lip poking out.   
  
Joan raised her eyebrows.  
  
"Sorry," Grace said, flushing scarlet. "It looked like Bambi."  
  
Pouting, she tossed the stuffed deer back onto the shelf.   
  
"No, get it," Joan said apologetically. "It can be the first present from Aunt Grace."  
  
"Godmother Grace," Grace corrected, placing the deer into the cart. "Unless you've replaced me with Audrey."  
  
"Avery," Joan said. "And you've got no reason to be jealous. Trust me, if anything, you should feel sorry for her."  
  
The pair walked a few steps.  
  
"Why?" Grace asked. "You're pregnant, but I don't feel sorry for you. Well, maybe a little, but not that sorry. Having a baby with Adam's not so bad."  
  
"Exactly," Joan said.   
  
"Huh?"  
  
"Let's just say that Avery's baby won't have the luxury of a father," Joan said.   
  
"What?" Grace said. "Why not? I mean, of course it's got to have a dad."  
  
"Well, duh, Grace, it does, but he split."  
  
"Who? Do I know him?" Grace prodded.   
  
Joan pretended to look at a lamb-shaped nightlight.  
  
"Joan?"  
  
Joan sighed. "I can't really tell you Grace. It's not my business to tell. You know how much it sucked when my mom told my business. I can't do that to Avery."  
  
Grace crossed her eyes for a moment.  
  
"Girardi, you know, the loyalty thing goes both ways. You've got to be loyal to Avery, yeah, sure, whatever, but you've also got to be loyal to me. That means telling secrets. Besides, who am I going to tell?"  
  
"My brother," Joan blurted.   
  
Grace's eyes turned into saucers.  
  
"Luke is the-"  
  
"No!" Joan urgently corrected. "No, no, Luke isn't the father! You'll TELL him!"   
  
"No I won't," Grace insisted breezily. "Besides, why does it matter if he knows? Does he know him too?"  
  
"Grace," Joan said bitingly, warning her to shut up.  
  
"He does?!"  
  
"For the love of God, it's Friedman, okay? Friedman! There, now shut up and never say anything to anyone!" Joan cried, exasperated.  
  
"Uhhh!" Grace moaned, closing her eyes in disgust. "Joan, please. Ew. Take the words back, take back this horrendous image of Friedman shedding his tightie whities!"  
  
"Grace! Shut up!" Joan squealed, taking her crackers out of her purse. Grace yanked the package out of her hand and stuffed four into her mouth.  
  
"You can't tell anyone!" Joan repeated, her mouth full of Saltine.  
  
"Believe me, I won't!" Grace mumbled, crumbs flying.   
  
They resumed their shopping, and Grace swallowed her mouthful of crackers. Patting Joan on the shoulder, she said, "You know, that might be tragic enough to earn Avery Godmother." 


	17. Reasons Unknown

A/N - I just wrote the ending to this fic! Of course, this isn't it...I have to get from here to the ending I wrote, but I am hoping do that soon!! Reviews should help...=) Thanks! =) BTW - Sorry, but I had to use Cute Boy God again, couldn't help myself.   
  
Two days later, Joan sat outside the clinic, waiting for Adam to meet her for her ultrasound appointment. He was seven minutes late, and she was beginning to get ticked. She checked her watch another time, and sighed impatiently, cursing under her breath.  
  
"You go from one extreme to the next, you know?" a voice said behind her.   
  
Joan shifted on the bench, and found herself looking at Cute Boy God.  
  
"First you're singing praises for having a guy like Adam, and then the guy's a few minutes late and you're cursing him? What ever happened to being so grateful for any guy at all?"  
  
He smiled at her, and sat down on the bench.  
  
"What ever happened to my maternity leave?" Joan shot back, folding her arms over her pauchy belly.  
  
God knitted His brows.  
  
"You go from giving me nothing to do to giving me this new mission," Joan continued.  
  
"What mission?" God asked innocently.  
  
Joan rolled her eyes.  
  
"Making friends with Avery?" she said. "Ringing any bells?"  
  
"Since when is making a friend a mission from God?" the cute boy asked.   
  
"Since God set it up so I would," Joan retorted.  
  
"Hey, I didn't, your mom did, remember?"  
  
"Everything happens for a reason," Joan commented dryly.   
  
God smiled proudly.  
  
"Hey, you've been taking notes," He said, aiming a finger pistol at her.   
  
"Speaking of notes, remind me to get some Post-Its for Adam so he won't forget these appointments anymore!" Joan sighed.  
  
God clapped Joan on the shoulder.  
  
"So is everything all right with your parents?" He asked.  
  
"Is that a rhetorical question?" Joan asked. "Because I'm assuming you already know."  
  
"I was just curious to see how you felt about it," God shrugged.  
  
Joan shifted herself, and turned to face God.  
  
"Well, there's a helluva lot, no pun intended, that I'm curious about, too. Like how Avery ended up with such a shithead for her baby's father?" Joan quipped.  
  
God smiled.  
  
"Ah, trying to negotiate with God, how I've missed this," He replied.   
  
"But this isn't fair! You haven't even given me any hints yet!" Joan whined.   
  
"Joan, Avery has free will, I don't mess with that," God said, ever-patient.  
  
"But everything is supposed to happen for a reason," Joan pressed. "What   
  
reason could there be for Avery having to take care of a baby all by herself?"   
  
"That's for me to know and you to find out," God said, getting to His feet. "Take care of yourself, Joan. See ya around."  
  
  
  
"I can't believe you didn't want to find out if it was a boy or a girl!" Joan huffed as the two left the clinic an hour later. "The doctor totally could've told us."  
  
"It's better this way. I love surprises," Adam said. "And besides, he could've told just you."  
  
Joan rolled her eyes at him.  
  
"And I wouldn't have told you?"  
  
Adam grinned. "Yeah, I guess you would've, huh?"  
  
Joan smiled back. "You know me so well."  
  
They stopped on the leave-cluttered sidewalk, and Adam pulled Joan close to him at the hips.  
  
"Carnally," he replied playfully.  
  
  
  
February  
  
"I swear, this is how people spontaneously combust," Avery breathed, wedging herself out of the desk next to Joan.  
  
"Well, you're like, what, eight days away from your due date? Shouldn't you be out of school by now?" Joan asked, un-wedging herself from her own desk. She was due in a month, and her belly was reaching maximum capacity.   
  
"Nah," Avery replied, tossing her blonde hair over her shoulder. "I don't want to become a statistic, you know."  
  
The two girls laughed as they filed out into the hall, but Joan soon found herself laughing alone.  
  
"Ave-"  
  
Joan stopped her question as she found Avery staring at Matthew Friedman, who stood at a locker, talking to Luke. Luke hadn't yet been able to figure out that his neurotic friend was a father-to-be. Sometimes smart kids were so stupid.  
  
"Avery, are you all right?" Joan asked, touching her shoulder.  
  
Avery nodded.  
  
"I just...I thought that maybe, once I started really showing, and if I stuck around so he'd have to look at me, then maybe it would make him..." Avery's voice trailed off. "I don't know. Never mind."  
  
Joan hated to see poor, beautiful, wonderful Avery pine after such a puke. But then again, Avery's family hadn't ever told her she was anything extraordinary. Her own dad had split when she was four, and her mom was a total workaholic at some company, who was pretty much entirely ashamed of her daughter.  
  
"So have you thought of any names yet?" Joan asked as they approached their own lockers.  
  
Avery knew she was having a girl, she didn't have anyone to argue with about whether or not to find out the gender. She was happy to be having a girl...a boy would've needed a dad more than a girl.  
  
"Well, I've thought of lots...just none seem to fit right with Hilgard," she said sadly. (Hilgard was Avery's last name). "But they all sound so cute with-"  
  
"Don't say it, hon," Joan begged. "Just don't. I know you're sick of my pep talks, but you really aren't with him for a reason."  
  
"Joan, you're so funny," Avery remarked. "Thinking that everything happens for a reason."  
  
Joan just smiled. She didn't just *think* that everything happened for a reason. She knew it. Now if only the one who'd tipped her off to this knowledge would hurry up and reveal what Avery's reason was. 


	18. February

A/N - Well, this part came a little more easily than I anticipated...I am really undecided about the outcome. I can't decide if I like it or not. At any rate, it's done! The section...and the story. I'll be posting the ending soon, although I want to keep you all in suspense. Maybe if you bug me and butter me up enough, I'll post it sooner. Ah, bribery...LOL. Just a warning - this chapter is fluffy, predictable, and illogically fast-paced. Don't say I didn't warn you. =) BTW, thanks to those of you who are still reading and reviewing! I appreciate it so much.   
  
"Would you guys just go already?!" Luke moaned, herding his parents out the door.  
  
"I still don't like this!" Helen said, trying to keep herself from skidding out the door.  
  
"Mom, please, we're all adults. Besides, it's not like Joan could get into anymore trouble!" Kevin encouraged.  
  
"Mrs. Girardi, I'll keep an eye on all these kids," Rebecca assured Helen, coming to the doorway.  
  
"I'm just worried about Joan-" Will said, bracing himself against the doorframe.  
  
"Unchallenged, Mr. G. Jane's not due for three more weeks. Besides, we've got an army of people here to drive her to the hospital if anything were to happen. Which it won't," Adam offered.   
  
"But there's supposed to be some big snowstorm later-" Helen said from the sidewalk.  
  
"I can shovel, Mrs. Girardi! Don't you worry! You two just enjoy your Valentine's Day, and we'll do the same. Watching Sweet November and A Walk To Remember," Grace said, rolling her eyes.  
  
"All right," Will obliged, getting into the car. "We'll have the cell, and we're only two hours away. Behave!"  
  
"Right, Daddy! Bye!" Kevin called, slamming the door.  
  
"Jeez, I thought they'd never go!" Luke sighed, loafing into the living room with a massive vat of popcorn.  
  
"Since when do we even celebrate Valentine's Day?" Joan wondered aloud, smoothing her tee shirt over her basketball-round belly.   
  
"Since we all have significant others," Luke said proudly, plopping onto the couch next to Grace and planting a kiss on her cheek. She grabbed the popcorn out of his hands and stuffed some in her mouth.   
  
"Can we just get this over with?" she huffed. "I'm not anymore thrilled about watching sniveling chick flicks than...well, Kevin."  
  
Adam and Luke exchanged indifferent glances.  
  
"Hey, I've no qualms," Kevin argued. "Charlize Theron and Mandy Moore are hot!"  
  
Rebecca batted him playfully, seating herself on his lap. Joan and Adam curled up on the floor, their baby resting between them.   
  
  
  
"Every time he drops his watch into the sink, I just lose it!" Joan blubbered, trying to explain herself. Rebecca was sniffling every now and again, and Luke's eyes were glistening, though he adamantly insisted it was a glare off his glasses, but Joan was absolutely in hysterics.  
  
"Um, Joan, you 'lost it' just after the opening credits," Grace pointed out.  
  
Joan scowled, and got up to retrieve a box of Kleenex from the kitchen.  
  
"I'm sorry if I'm a little emotional right now!" she called in her defense.  
  
"Yeah, well, pretty soon you won't be able to use that excuse anymore!" Adam replied.  
  
Suddenly, they heard Joan scream. All five heads immediately jerked in the direction of the kitchen. Joan stood with a box of Kleenex in her hands, and a terrified look on her face. Her jeans were soaked, and water dripped down onto the tile.  
  
"I guess a little sooner than we thought," Grace said, staring stupefied at Joan.  
  
"Adam?" Joan asked, sounding girlish and panicked.  
  
But Adam had already leapt over the sofa and was at her side. He put one hand on the small of her back, and the other on her belly, his expression trying feebly to look brave.  
  
"Don't freak out," Rebecca said, getting up and trying to take control. She went over to Joan, just as she doubled over in pain, crushing the cardboard box in her hand.  
  
"What do we do?" Grace asked.  
  
"Take her to the hospital," Kevin said.  
  
"Or not..." Luke said, peering out the curtains. They'd lost track of time, and in the hour and a half that had past, snow had buried the Girardi house.   
  
"Oh shit..." Adam breathed.  
  
"Do not panic," Rebecca continued, smoothing Joan's hair back from her face.  
  
"I'll call 911," Kevin said, his voice straining.   
  
"I'll get towels," Luke said. "We'll need them, I'm sure of it. They always do."  
  
He darted up the stairs.  
  
"Joan, hon, you'd better lie down," Rebecca said, as if she were speaking to a first grader.  
  
"Why?" Joan asked, her eyes wide, just as first-graderish.  
  
"The baby's coming, Joan, it's okay," Adam said. He took the mutilated Kleenex box out of her wrenched hand, and replaced it with his own hand. He brought her trembling fingers to his lips and kissed them, and Joan realized that his hands were shaking too.   
  
"No," Joan said, nearly pouting. "No, Adam, it's not time yet! I'm not due until March! I can't have a baby in my house!"  
  
Tears starting rolling down Joan's cheeks.  
  
"Here," Grace said, propping a pillow under Joan's head as Rebecca coaxed her to the tile floor. Suddenly, Joan's face paled and she winced in pain, biting her lip to contain a scream.  
  
"Ohhh, that's a contraction," Rebecca said, offering Joan her hand to squeeze. Joan took it, and squeezed Adam's hand just as hard.  
  
"Ow," Adam said, taking his hand away and shaking it.  
  
Joan glared at him evilly, and he hastily gave her back his hand.   
  
"Hey, yeah, my sister, she's gone into labor in our house and we can't get out because of the snow," Kevin said into the receiver. "Um, she's almost nine months along. Due in three weeks. Yeah. Um, yeah, it did, all over the floor. She is right now, I think. Okay...um, hold on, wait..."  
  
Kevin held the phone out, an awkward look on his face.  
  
"Aw, man, Adam, they're talking about her cervix...I think you'd better do this!"   
  
Adam gingerly stood, not wanting to walk even a few steps away from Joan. He took the phone, and intently listened as the voice on the other end instructed him on how to position Joan on the floor. Joan's contractions became more and more intense, and Rebecca soothingly coached her, not allowing her to look at what was taking place below her waist. Luke, Grace, and Kevin watched, ready to help if called to do so.  
  
"Oh my God, it's just like Rescue 911...there's it's head," Adam said. By this time, Joan had begun full-fledged crying. Adam's revelation did little to calm her.  
  
Adam skillfully, without reservation, tucked the phone between his shoulder and his ear, and reached out to deliver his baby. It happened a lot more quickly than any of them thought it would...after the head crowned, the rest of the baby just sort of slipped out. Joan was more than happy to push. Everyone in the house sat, awed, as Adam held the birth-slicked baby in his arms, staring at it in disbelief. Joan whimpered in Rebecca's arms, in pain and afraid.   
  
The dispatcher promised that an ambulance would arrive as soon as possible to take Joan and the baby to the hospital.   
  
"Oh, we better call Mom and Dad!" Luke cried, it suddenly dawning on him that they'd neglected to do so.  
  
"Grandma and Grandpa," Grace corrected.   
  
They all gradually gathered around Joan and Adam, admiring the baby. Joan held the baby in her arms, staring at her child in awe. It was real. She wasn't pregnant anymore. It had gone so fast...it had seemed so impossible. And yet, here she was, covered in blood and afterbirth, cradling she and Adam's child, and all she could think was that this was the best consequence she'd ever endured.   
  
"Thought of a name yet?" Helen asked, stroking the baby's cue-ball bald head. Grace, Adam, Kevin, Rebecca, Will, and Helen were all crowded in Joan's hospital room. Luke had run to the cafe for coffee. Joan sat upright in a comfy white bed, cradling the tiny, six pound infant in her arms, looking radiant. Adam's finger was clutched tightly in the baby's fist, and he couldn't take his eyes off the tiny face that poked out of the soft blanket.  
  
"Yeah," Adam replied. "Ian. Ian Laramie Girardi Rove."  
  
"That's a mouthful," Will said, smiling exuberantly at his grandson.   
  
"Why Ian Laramie?" Kevin asked.   
  
"Ian means 'God is gracious'," Joan said. "And Laramie means 'tears of love'."  
  
"I think it's perfect," Helen said, grinning at her daughter.   
  
"So is he," Joan said, kissing her son's teensy nose.   
  
Just then, the door opened, and Luke came in, looking solemn and sober. He had no coffee.  
  
"Luke?" Grace asked, confused. Joan looked up from her baby, and her thousand-watt smile faded when she saw Luke looking at her.  
  
"What is it?" she asked.   
  
"Joan," Luke began, sounding apologetic.   
  
"What is it?" she repeated indignantly, jiggling Ian in her arm.  
  
"Avery...she had her baby, too," he said, swallowing a lump in his throat.  
  
"That's great!" Joan said. The rest of the room was quiet, watching Luke, knowing somehow, that it wasn't. 


	19. As It Should Be

A/N - Eeek!! Okay, I definitely didn't intend to wait this long to post the final chapter! But my computer had 4758 viruses, so needless to said, it had to be fixed. I just got it back today...so here is the ending! I tried to make it depressing and uplifting at the same time, I tried to give it a theme, I think my God part sounds a little preachy, and it's sorta fluffy too...I hope you enjoyed my story! Thanks to all who read it! =)  
  
  
  
Hours had passed, and Joan's eyes were finally beginning to dry. She lie on her side in her bed, glad that she was alone, but at the same time, wishing one of them would've stayed. Adam was with Ian, which is where he belonged, she was sure, since she couldn't be with him right now. She'd pretty much thrown everyone else out, so it was her own fault, she supposed. But there was only one person she felt like blaming right now.  
  
The door opened, and in came a white-coated doctor.  
  
"Hello, Joan," He said, and she knew it was Him.  
  
"Speak of the devil," Joan said bitterly.  
  
God looked at her with sympathy, and sat on the edge of her bed.  
  
"Joan, I'm so sorry. I know you'd come to care about her a lot. But you need to understand-"  
  
"Don't try to feed me some line about death being a part of life," Joan fumed. "I don't want to hear that. I don't want to hear anything. There's no reason for this. I think you're full of crap with all this 'reason' stuff. People screw up, people get screwed back by You. Is that it?" Joan snarled. "What's going to happen to me? Why was Avery's consequence so much worse?"  
  
God looked at Joan with hurt eyes.   
  
"Death wasn't a consequence for Avery. It was a purpose."  
  
"What is that supposed to mean?" Joan sniffed.  
  
"Matthew Friedman was going to kill himself in four days," God said, point-blank.  
  
Joan blinked.  
  
"What? What are you talking about?"  
  
God sighed.  
  
"You know he doesn't have any friends, besides your brother. Luke has Grace. Matthew had Avery...but he felt it was too good to be true. That's why he broke up with her. It pretty much went downhill from there, and he was at the end of his rope. Something had to happen, Joan. No one else saw it. That's why I'm in control."  
  
"You killed Avery," Joan said.  
  
"I didn't kill her," God said. "People die. People have purposes. Once they've been fulfilled, then their time on Earth is up. It's going to happen to everyone. Not everyone gets to be ninety-four, Joan."  
  
"So Avery's purpose was saving Matthew Friedman from killing himself by having a baby to keep him busy? She died, so that he wouldn't? What the hell is that?" Joan cried.   
  
"Joan, you're not going to understand now. Or maybe ever. But you're not to question me, you're to trust."  
  
"How can I trust someone who just killed a completely innocent girl, who happened to be my friend, and a new mother? How do I know you're not just going to off me next? Or Adam? Or Ian?"  
  
God sighed, and wiped a tear of Joan's cheek.  
  
"Everyone put on this Earth has a purpose. Avery, Avery's daughter, you, Adam, Ian, everyone. I assign that to them from the day they're born. Avery's purpose was to put this child into the world, and keep Matthew from taking himself out of it. Now that he has their daughter, he's going to start seeing things a lot more clearly. Avery fulfilled that purpose, and now she doesn't have to sit at home, raising a baby by herself and being ignored by her mother. Her mother, by the way, is finally going to wake up."  
  
Joan's eyes narrowed.  
  
"Oh, great, now that it's too late!" she cried.   
  
"That's the thing, Joan. It's never too late. Avery's mom can give this baby the love she should've given Avery. Atonement. It's a very intricate, complicated system, but I have to keep it balanced, and that means that some people live, some people die, some people suffer, and some people are handed the world on a diamond-encrusted platter. It seems unfair, because it is. I am the only one who will ever really understand, and that's part of The Big Picture, I trust you remember that. I'm sorry you're hurting and confused, but I need you to believe that in the long run, everything is as it should be."  
  
Joan was tired of arguing. She was so...tired. She broke down into tears. God hugged her, and Joan could feel some sort of solace coming over her.   
  
"I know this is a lot to deal with, Joan. Everything is going to calm down for awhile, now. When I said I'd never give you more than you could handle, I meant it. Consider this your real maternity leave."  
  
Joan looked up.  
  
"You're leaving? We're not going to talk anymore?"  
  
God laughed slightly.  
  
"Joan, I'm never leaving you. Just like the people you care about never really leave. I'm just going to give you some time off, chat with someone new for awhile. But I'm like a hotline...always on. And once your life has settled down a little, you'll see me again."  
  
With that, God smoothed Joan's hair, and waved at her. He walked through the hospital room door without bothering to open it.  
  
  
  
Adam stood in front of the huge panes of glass in the nursery, all that separated him from his new son. A nurse came into the nursery, and wheeled away the crib containing Avery's unnamed baby. Adam's eyes followed the two down the hall. The nurse stopped rolling the crib, and Adam saw Matthew Friedman, red-eyed, clutching a ball of Kleenex. The nurse picked up the baby, and deposited it into his arms. Friedman's face fell as he looked into Avery's eyes in the face of his child. He gently cradled the baby in his arms, trying to control his wracking sobs. As Adam watched, he felt sad, but at the same time, he felt like Friedman holding that baby was right...something he never thought he'd think.  
  
Adam turned back to the nursery window. Ian's big brown eyes opened, opaque against the peach-colored rest of him. He yawned, and Adam gently tapped on the glass.  
  
"Hi Ian," he whispered.  
  
"Your little brother?"  
  
Adam hadn't even noticed the unfamiliar, middle-aged, full-faced nurse standing next to him. She smiled warmly.  
  
"My son," Adam said, half-sheepish, half-proud.   
  
"Ah," the nurse said. "He looks like you."  
  
"Yeah?" Adam said. He beamed.   
  
"Yeah. You're going to have your hands full, Adam," she said, patting him on the shoulder.   
  
Adam nodded slowly, trying not to think of that.  
  
Adam and the nurse looked at the baby for a moment longer, and then she turned to go.  
  
"See you around," she said as she turned and headed down the hallway.  
  
Adam was so intently focused on his baby that it didn't hit him until she turned the corner - she had called him Adam. 


End file.
